The Difference One Life Makes
by TeamBlack
Summary: AU James survives Voldemort's attack, how will this make a difference in Harry's life? Starts out with baby Harry!
1. Chapter 1: What Could Have Been

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. I wish it was, but sadly it is not!**

**A/N: Hi readers! I am still hard at work on "Everyone Deserves a Miracle", but this storyline has been nagging at me and making it hard to write! I'm hoping that by working on both at once I can keep the creative juices flowing! I am not sure what kind of time line this story is going to have. I think there is probably going to be a pretty big time jump in the next chapter, not sure though. Let me know what you think! I welcome constructive/kind/respectful criticism. Please be kind! You guys rock!**

* * *

James Potter dimly became aware of his surroundings. First and foremost was the pain; he felt as if every muscle in his body was on fire. _What happened? _he thought to himself. He was struck with a horrifying flashback of Voldemort bursting into his home. He remembered the duel, the way he had just managed to dodge Voldemort's _Avada Kedavra_ which had grazed his side and sent him flying backwards into the staircase. He assumed Voldemort had figured he was dead.

"Lily, Harry!" James gasped.

He forced himself to his feet. Slowly and painfully he made his way up the half-ruined staircase and to the door of his son's nursery. James fell to his knees at the sight of Lily—his Lily—lying lifelessly on the floor in front of him. His whole world narrowed to just her. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her slowly back and forth whispering apologies and words of love as his tears dripped into her vibrant red hair.

After some moments James laid Lily back on the ground and kissed her forehead before dragging himself to his feet. He slowly moved towards Harry's crib. _I can't lose him too, not my baby boy, _James thought as he carefully lifted aside the mangled crib. Harry's still form lay curled on a blanket, his stuffed animals close to him.

"No," James gasped.

Sobs of anguish racked his frame as he grabbed his baby boy close to his chest. His sobs turned to tears of joy when Harry awoke with a squawk and looked at James with his bright emerald eyes.

"Oh baby, it's okay, Daddy's here, Daddy's got you. Hush baby," James whispered patting his son's small back. Harry slowly stopped crying and clutched the front of James' filthy shirt in his small fists.

James reached back into the crib and pulled out the baby blanket Lily had lovingly knit for Harry and the three stuffed animals Remus and Sirius had given Harry, a stag, a wolf, and a dog. The rat was left in its place of dishonor in the corner; James was coming to realize exactly what had happened that night.

James pressed Harry's face close to his chest so that the boy would not see his mother's body lying on the floor. James forced himself to walk down the stairs and outside, leaving Lily behind. _I'm so sorry Lily, but Harry needs me now. You died protecting him and I promise you I will keep him safe. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I'm leaving you now, but Harry needs me,_ he thought as he slowly sank to the ground near the tree in his front yard and rested with his back to the trunk. He mindlessly rubbed circles on Harry's back and stared into the night—lost.

* * *

"Prongs! Prongs, Lily, where are you?"

The panicked voice roused James from his stupor. His best friend, Sirius Black, raced towards the front door of the cottage.

"Padfoot," James croaked softly from his spot on the lawn.

Sirius snapped his head toward his friend and raced over.

"Thank Merlin, I saw the house and I thought…" Sirius trailed off at the pained expression on James' face.

His eyes dropped to the small form cradled against James' chest. _Not Harry, please God not Harry,_ Sirius thought. He couldn't be gone, not his perfect little godson, the light in his life. His knees went weak and he dropped beside James. He reached a hand out to stroke Harry's cheek. He drooped in relief when he felt the warmth in the soft cheek beneath his finger. The pain in James' eyes could only come from one thing then.

"Lily," Sirius said softly, tears filling his eyes.

James looked at him sadly, the pain in his eyes overwhelming.

"I'm so sorry Prongs," Sirius whispered hugging his friend as best he could without jostling Harry.

"I had to leave her in there Padfoot, I had to get Harry out, his head was bleeding and I was afraid the whole place was going to come down on us. I had to leave her lying there…" James said his voice breaking with emotion.

The tears came harder then and he buried his face in Sirius' shoulder and let his best friend rub his back in the same way he rubbed Harry's. After some time James calmed down enough to pull himself together and talk to Sirius.

"Peter betrayed us," James said his voice full of pain and hate.

He had trusted the rat, he had considered him one of his closest friends. Sirius nodded bitterly.

"I checked on him before I came here. He wasn't there and I knew something must have happened. I-I'm so s-s-sorry Prongs. I made you switch Secret Keepers. It's my fault," Sirius whispered his own tears falling thickly.

James shook his head. Even in his grief and anger at the betrayal of his close friend, he couldn't allow the self-loathing and pain he saw in Sirius' eyes remain.

"You were trying to keep us all safe Padfoot. It wasn't your fault," James said.

Sirius looked profoundly relieved, but a dark look came over his features.

"I'll kill the rat," he muttered darkly.

In that moment James had absolutely no doubt that Sirius was entirely sincere. He too wanted Peter dead, but the cost would be too great.

"No," he told Sirius.

"What do you mean 'no'? I won't let him get away with what he's done James!" Sirius cried.

"So you'll kill him and get sent to Azkaban for life? Think of Harry! He is already going to grow up without a mother; do you want to take another person he loves away from him?" James shouted back.

The shouting woke Harry who began to wail.

"Shhh, it's okay baby. Daddy didn't mean to yell. It's alright," James cooed to the boy.

"Mama?" Harry asked plaintively, tears streaming down his chubby cheeks.

"No baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Harry," James said crying into Harry's messy hair.

In that moment Sirius realized James was right. As much as he wanted the rat dead for betraying them, he couldn't leave Harry. He couldn't miss seeing the beautiful boy he loved grow up. He couldn't leave James either. Without Lily he was going to need help.

"You're right. It isn't worth it. We should go to Hogwarts, Dumbledore will need to know what happened," Sirius said softly.

James nodded and Harry turned his head towards Sirius.

"Pa'foo," he murmured sleepily reaching a hand out towards Sirius.

Sirius stretched out a finger that Harry grabbed tightly in his chubby fist and used it to pull Sirius closer. Sirius kissed the baby's forehead and pulled an emergency portkey from his pocket. He tapped it with his wand and the trio was soon landing on the floor of Dumbledore's office.

* * *

"James, Sirius, what's happened?" Albus asked concernedly.

"Voldemort," James choked out. He was still too overwhelmed to speak so he merely placed his wand to his temple and put the memory in the Pensieve on Dumbledore's stand.

The headmaster moved towards the basin and turned to look back at the two men and baby. Sirius looked at James questioningly and James nodded that he should accompany the headmaster. The two men disappeared into the Pensieve and James settled himself in a chair with Harry in his lap to wait. He tried to heal his son's cut, but the cut would not close, though it did stop bleeding.

Ten minutes later the others emerged from the Pensieve. Sirius looked very pale and was trembling. He was deeply grieved by Lily's loss, but to see how close he had come to losing his best friend and godson was unbearable. Before anyone could speak the fireplace roared green and Remus Lupin tumbled into the room, pale-faced and anxious.

"Albus…Godric's Hollow…Lily and James…" he gasped out between pants.

He looked around the room and gave a soft cry when he laid eyes on Sirius. James and Harry were not visible from his position.

"How could you? I thought you loved them as much as I did? How could you do this?" Remus asked Sirius heartbrokenly.

"I didn't, Moony, I could never," Sirius said beseechingly.

"You were their Secret Keeper," Remus answered harshly.

"We switched. It was Peter," James said softly, standing up from the chair.

"James, Harry, oh thank goodness," Remus gasped as he hurried over to embrace his friend and press a kiss to the top of Harry's head.

"Wait, it was Peter?" Remus gasped as the shock of seeing his friend and honorary nephew alive dimmed and he processed James' words.

"Wormtail sold us out. He is the reason Lily's dead! He knew what Voldemort wanted. He was willing to let him kill Harry," James' voice broke as he said his son's name.

How could anyone want to hurt an innocent child? Especially kill a child as kind and loving as his Harry.

"Oh James," Remus said softly, his heart breaking for his friend.

James buried his face in Harry's hair for a moment before looking at the headmaster.

"I've tried to heal Harry's cut and I can't, why not?" James asked turning the boy in his arms to that Dumbledore could see his forehead.

"It is a curse scar James. There is no way for it to be healed. It is a mark he will carry all his life," Albus answered sadly.

"How did he get it?" James wondered aloud.

He had assumed that the cut had come from the destruction of the house. If it had come from a curse then maybe there was still something evil at work on his son.

"I cannot say for certain, but I can tell you what I believe from what I viewed in the Pensieve. I believe that Lily died to save Harry; gave her life for her son's. In doing so she afforded him the blood protection of her love. When Voldemort cast his wand on Harry to perform the Killing Curse it rebounded upon him, leaving Harry with this scar," Dumbledore answered.

James clutched the boy tighter to his chest. Voldemort had actually cast the _Avada Kedavra_ at his son. James could not bear the idea of losing Harry. The pain of losing Lily was monumental and he knew it would be several weeks before he could function completely normally, but if Harry had died he would have had no will to live at all.

"Voldemort's dead?" Sirius gasped in disbelief.

Albus shook his head sadly.

"He is gone for now, but I believe he has dark magic that will someday allow him to return. For now though, we are safe," he said.

"From Voldemort, but his Death Eaters are still out there, including Peter. James, you and Harry have to stay safe. They aren't going to like the fact their master was defeated by a child," Remus said worriedly.

"I won't hide, not again," James said.

"I'll do everything to keep Harry safe, but I won't shut us out from the world again. Harry needs what he has left of his family, and so do I," James continued gesturing at Remus and Sirius.

In that moment the camaraderie between the three Marauders was stronger than ever. Any hurt feelings over lack of trust or thoughts of betrayal were forgotten with the reminder that they truly were a family.

"We will keep you both safe. We would all die for Harry or for you," Sirius told James.

Remus nodded his agreement.

"We can use my home. My father made it unplottable after Greyback's attack. It is safe enough until you find your own place to live or until you decide you want to leave," Remus spoke up.

James nodded his assent and gave Remus and Sirius a grateful look.

"If I may suggest that you stay here for a few nights, just to get you back on your feet," Albus said.

The men agreed and soon they were installed in a guest suite.

* * *

James paced the floor with Harry in his arms for an hour until the boy drifted off, but still James simply sat on the couch and held him.

"I can't bring myself to let him go. I almost lost him," James whispered softly to his friends as he stared at his baby's precious face.

"It's okay mate," Sirius answered soothingly.

He led James to the bed and urged him to lie down. He placed the sleeping Harry next to him and cast a charm so that the baby could not be rolled on or smothered.

"Try to sleep mate," Sirius said softly.

"We'll be right out here if you need us," Remus answered.

James fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the emotion of the night.

* * *

Sirius and Remus sat up talking in the common area of their suite.

"What are we going to do Moony?" Sirius asked desperately.

"The only thing we can do Padfoot, be there for them when they need us," Remus answered sadly.

The two men stared into the fire thinking of the wonderful friend that had lost and the betrayal of a man they considered their brother.


	2. Chapter 2: Holidays

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I had the incredible mind of J.K. Rowling and did in fact own Harry Potter, but I do not. I am merely a fan that enjoys playing around in her world!**

* * *

It was nearly Christmas, almost two months since Lily had died. James, Harry, and Sirius had moved in with Remus and they had settled into a routine. James had handed his resignation in to Moody at the Auror office. He was the only parent Harry had left now and he couldn't risk his life at a job which required him to hunt down dark wizards. Moody refused to accept James' resignation, and instead reassigned him to be a training master at the Auror academy. He was to help train recruits in Advanced Transfiguration. He wasn't starting until the following fall to give him time to get his life back together. Sirius was currently doing Dumbledore a favor and working as the Arithmancy professor at Hogwarts seeing as the previous teacher had been killed. He was surprised to find how much he enjoyed it; he flooed to Hogwarts each morning so that he could be with the others at night. Remus was working at a bookstore in Diagon Alley.

James spent his days with Harry. The first few weeks had been unbearable for both of them. Harry had cried out for his mother and James had cried for both his wife and for the pain his son felt. After a few weeks Harry stopped calling for Lily and James found that each day it got easier to go about his life. He didn't want to bring Harry into the wizarding public yet. Not only was it dangerous, he didn't want the boy to be overwhelmed by the attention he was sure to receive as "the Boy Who Lived". James never left Harry alone and the two had grown much closer, if that was possible. They often made excursions into Muggle towns.

Today however, James needed to do some Christmas shopping. He and Sirius were to spend the day out shopping for Christmas, while Remus stayed home with Harry.

"Bye Harry, be good for Moony. Love you kiddo," James said kissing his son's forehead and passing him into Remus' arms.

"Bye, bye," Harry chattered clapping.

James grinned. Harry had never minded being separated from his parents as long as Remus or Sirius was there to watch him. Leaving him with anyone else, however, had always been problematic. James was beginning to think he would have to try it again soon though. He and Harry had gone to Hogwarts for the past two full moons, but he longed to join his friends again. If Harry was willing to stay with the Weasleys for the night James would be able to.

Sirius and James headed for Diagon Alley, and Remus and Harry settled down to read some of Harry's books. The toddler loved being read to and happily curled up in Remus' lap and listened to the man's soothing voice. It was midafternoon and before long the child had fallen asleep. Remus brushed his fringe off of his forehead and kissed the lightning bolt scar before settling the boy in his cot in James' room.

* * *

Meanwhile James and Sirius were having a good time selecting toys for Harry from the toy shop in Diagon Alley.

"Look at this, Prongs," Sirius exclaimed holding up a child's Quidditch set. The balls were all plushy and would not cause any harm.

James smiled and added it to the cart, next to the set of toy dragons that flew and rocking horse that was shaped like a Hippogriff.

"He's going to be quite the little Quidditch player someday," James said happily.

The two men found gifts for Remus as well in Diagon Alley and then headed for their last stop—the bookstore.

"How did your kid end up liking to read so much?" Sirius asked in mock disgust.

"It's Remus' doing," James said with an eye roll.

Sirius barked out a laugh and they continued on their way.

* * *

Remus settled down on the sofa in his living room and began to read a new book. He was taking advantage of the peace and quiet of his home. He had just finished the third chapter when a shriek came from James and Harry's room. Remus leapt to his feet and raced to Harry.

The boy was standing up in his cot with tears streaming down his face. Remus lifted the boy into his arms and felt the small body shake with sobs.

"Shhh, it's okay Harry," Remus soothed.

The boy had woken up from nightmares a few times since Lily's death, but usually calmed down soon enough when James held him. This time however he continued to wail.

"Daddy," Harry cried plaintively over and over.

Remus felt his heart twist at the baby's obvious distress and decided to call James on the two-way mirrors. He placed Harry back in the cot for a moment so that he could step into the hall and make the call.

"James," he called into the mirror.

* * *

James heard Remus' voice calling him from the mirror in his pocket as he and Sirius browsed the children's section of the bookstore.

"What's up Moony?" James asked pulling out the mirror.

Remus looked concerned and James felt his heart leap into his throat.

"It's Harry," Remus said.

James felt his heart stop for a moment as absolute terror seized him.

"He's had a nightmare and I can't calm him down. He wants you," Remus continued.

James was able to breathe again when he realized his son wasn't hurt. At the same time he felt a desperate need to be with his baby boy in his time of need.

"You go on ahead. I'll pay for these books and bring the rest of the packages," Sirius, who had been listening, said patting James on the shoulder.

"Thanks Padfoot," James said.

He hurried out the store and turned on the spot. Only he, Remus, Sirius, and Dumbledore could Apparate into Remus' home. He reappeared in Remus' living room and heard his son's cries from down the hall. The sobs cut into his heart like a knife.

He hurried down the hall and found Remus desperately pacing the room with a wailing Harry in his arms.

"Come here little man. It's okay. Daddy's got you," James cooed as he scooped his son out of Remus' arms.

Harry grasped James' shirt tightly in his tiny fists and buried his soaked face in the crook of James' neck. James patted the small back gently and whispered soothingly to the boy. Slowly the sobs subsided and Harry lay quietly against his father. James went to lay the baby back in his cot, but Harry clung tightly to his father.

"Daddy," the boy whimpered holding on for dear life.

"It's okay. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. You're safe," James soothed pulling the baby back to his chest.

He snuggled Harry close to him and walked out to find his two best friends. They were just stowing the last of the packages in the closet when James walked into the living room with Harry.

"Hey Prongslet," Sirius said smiling at his godson.

Harry merely snuggled tighter to his father and stuck his thumb into his mouth.

"I'm sorry James, I just didn't know what to do," Remus said apologetically.

"It's okay Moony. He's too young to understand the nightmares and he just needs me to be there when they wake him up," James said snuggling the boy.

He would never say it, but it felt good that he was the only one that could comfort Harry. It made him feel like he belonged, that he had a purpose.

* * *

The group had a quiet night. Harry was subdued and clung to his father relentlessly. Eventually he fell asleep in James' arms, lulled to sleep by the steady beat of his father's heart under his ear.

"What are you going to do if he isn't over this by next fall when you have to start work? We don't know why he only responds to you after the nightmares," Sirius asked James.

"Stay home. I have money in the Potter vault and if Harry needs me then this is where I'll be. As for the nightmares, I think it would be safe to assume that they are about Lily's death. Harry saw it so I would assume that is what upsets him. It doesn't surprise me that he wants me around to make sure I'm not gone too," James answered.

His friends nodded. They all made an early night of it. Even in his sleep Harry didn't want to let go of James' shirt. James simply cast a spell to keep him from rolling on top of Harry and slept with the boy cuddled against his chest.

* * *

The next morning Harry was back to his usual bubbly self.

"Moo'y!" he yelled happily at breakfast.

When Remus turned towards the boy he found himself hit in the face with a handful of applesauce. Harry giggled happily and clapped while James and Sirius roared with laughter. They stopped when Remus flung eggs at them both. Soon there was a full-fledged food fight going on in the normally spotless kitchen.

"Watch the work robes!" Sirius shouted as James doused him with orange juice.

The fight ended when Harry was hit in the head with a very mushy and wet serving of porridge and began to cry. Sirius, who had thrown it at James and missed, hurried to scoop him up.

"Shhh, it's okay little Prongslet. Padfoot is sorry," Sirius said bouncing the crying boy.

Harry continued to sniffle until Remus upended the remainder of the porridge onto Sirius' head. He giggled as his godfather yelped and rounded on his friend. James laughed and plucked his son out of Sirius' arms.

"Time for a bath little man," James said tickling the boy and making him giggle. "Your mother would have a fit if she saw the state you were in."

Everyone froze. It was the first time James had mentioned Lily in casual conversation. James smiled sadly when he realized that though his heart gave a stab of pain at the thought of his soul mate, he was able to go on because of his son.

"You really are an amazing little person aren't you?" James asked Harry with a smile.

"Daddy!" the toddler squealed. He planted a messy kiss on James' cheek. "Love you."

"I love you too little man," James answered kissing the porridge covered top of Harry's head.

"Awww, isn't it sweet Moony?" Sirius cooed.

Remus snickered.

"You know what's sweet, Harry? If your uncles don't hurry up they are going to have to go to work looking like they do," James said happily to Harry as he swept up the stairs to give the boy a bath.

Remus and Sirius hurried to change and get to work. Sirius only had today left to teach because the students were leaving for the Christmas Holidays the following day. James and Harry spent the day wrapping the presents that James had bought for Remus in Diagon Alley the previous day and the ones that he had owl ordered for Sirius.

* * *

Christmas morning dawned bright and clear. There was a dusting of snow that had fallen overnight and the world looked magical. Harry chattered happily as the small family shared a breakfast of cinnamon rolls before opening presents.

"Me first," Sirius squealed bouncing.

"Harry first," James corrected and Sirius nodded eagerly. He had discovered last Christmas that the only thing he liked more than opening presents was watching Harry open his.

James helped Harry open many presents. There was the rocking horse that looked like a Hippogriff, the toy dragons, new snuggly pajamas, a tiny Quidditch jersey, and of course the toy Quidditch set among many other things. Harry and seized the snitch from the Quidditch set and clutched it in his fist for the remainder of the morning.

James and Sirius and Remus exchanged their gifts as well. James felt a pain in his heart every time he thought about how much Lily would have loved seeing Harry open his gifts.

_She did see. She's always with us. She wouldn't want this, she wouldn't want me moping. She would tell me to get over it and be there for Harry. That she didn't give her life so that he could grow up with a mopey father_, James thought wryly to himself. It really did help to realize that she wouldn't begrudge James his time with their son, begrudge him his life when she was gone.

"We have one more gift for the Prongslet. He really won't know what to do with it until he is older, but we thought we could add to it every year," Sirius said placing a small stone Pensieve in front of James.

"They're copies of some of our memories of Lily. We know you'll tell him and show him your own, but this way he can see how much she meant to us as well," Remus said softly.

James felt tears fill his eyes as he looked at his two friends. It meant so much to him that they would do this for him, for Harry.

"Thank you," he whispered softly.

"Anytime Prongs, anytime," Sirius answered.

The three friends found themselves in a tight group hug. They really were brothers in everything but blood. They were interrupted by a loud squeal from Harry.

"Pa'foo," the toddler cried pointing to a picture in one of his new books.

James laughed when he saw it was titled 'Perry the Pudgy Puppy'. The dog in the story that Remus had bought for Harry did look similar to Sirius' animagus form.

"I am not a pudgy puppy!" Sirius exclaimed horrified.

"Pudgy Pa'foo," Harry giggled happily.

"Moony," Sirius cried in exasperation, rounding on his two friends.

James and Remus were doubled over with laughter.

"It's not fat! I'm fluffy!" Sirius shouted. He immediately looked horrified when he realized he had used an adjective not much better than pudgy.

"There you have it Harry. Uncle Padfoot isn't pudgy, he's fluffy," James said scooping up his son.

"Fluffy Pa'foo," Harry repeated.

Sirius dropped his head into hands in defeat and the others giggled.

* * *

**A/N: So I lied about the time jump. It will happen, but probably not for another chapter or two. Eventually I would like this story to go through the end of Harry's second year. There will probably be a sequel for his later years at Hogwarts. I loved writing this chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it! I'm headed out of town for about a week and I will not have time to write so don't look for any updates until June 3 at the earliest! Thanks for reading. You guys rock!**


	3. Chapter 3: Full Moon

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

It was in February that James decided to try leaving Harry with the Weasleys so that he could spend the full moon with Remus. Sirius had confided in him that the moons had been worse for Remus without James and James wanted to be there for his friend. Molly Weasley was happy to take Harry who was close to her son Ron's age. James had been worried about how he was going to explain what he needed to do, but he didn't have to worry about revealing Remus' secret.

* * *

James walked up the back garden path of the Burrow and knocked on the kitchen door of the ramshackle house. He knew Arthur from the Ministry and had met Molly on a few occasions. Molly answered the door.

"Hello Molly, I don't know if you'll remember me—" James began before Molly interrupted him.

"Of course, how are you James dear? How is that beautiful boy of yours? I remember how darling he was in those photos you showed me last time. Do come in dear," Molly gushed pulling a slightly startled James into the kitchen and sitting him at the table with a cup of tea and a plate of biscuits.

"He's good; he's actually the reason why I am here. You see one of my close friends Remus Lupin has something he needs to do once a month and usually my friend Sirius Black and I help him out, but since Lily died," James winced, "I have had to stay home with Harry. I was wondering if you might be able to take Harry for one night a month, I could pay you."

"For the full moons then?" Molly asked softly.

James stared open mouthed at her. He had no idea how she knew about Remus.

"My brothers Gideon and Fabian told me about Remus, they also told me what a good man he is. I don't know how it is you're helping him, but I am happy to take the little one. There will be no talk of this paying me though. You're a friend," Molly said smiling warmly.

"You don't need to discuss it with Arthur?" James asked.

"No dear, things like this are best left to a mother. He does know about Remus though, he has no problem with it," Molly assured him.

"I should also tell you that Harry does not like to be away from me. He has always had trouble being left with anyone other than Sirius or Remus, and it has only gotten worse since we lost Lily," James cautioned.

"No harm in trying it out James dear. I assure you I can handle a crying baby," she answered gesturing to the pictures of her seven children that hung on the wall.

James smiled. There was one last thing they needed to discuss.

"Harry also has nightmares. I am the only one that has been able to comfort him so far, not even Remus or Sirius. I'll leave you a way to get ahold of me in the event that happens," James said.

"I have lots of experience with nightmares too. Not to worry love, they're common in children," Molly soothed.

"Harry saw Lily die; it happened in his room. I think that's what he sees in his nightmares," James whispered.

Molly lifted a hand to her mouth and tears filled her eyes. James didn't know it at the time, but he had just insured Harry would receive a lifetime of smothering and love from the Weasley matriarch.

* * *

The day of the full moon had arrived and James and Molly had decided that it would be best for James to spend the day with Harry at the Weasley's so that Harry might take better to being left alone there. Sirius was going to meet him there and then they were going to go to the cottage Remus used for his transformations. Harry and James arrived just after breakfast.

As the last time James knocked on the kitchen door and was ushered inside by Molly. Harry clung tightly to his father's neck.

"Good morning James dear, and Harry too," Mrs. Weasley cooed. She grabbed a biscuit from the counter and offered it to Harry who happily munched on his treat.

At that moment a pack of wild redheads charged into the room, the youngest two being carried by the oldest. The three year-old twins were laughing manically as the five year-old boy chased after them in pursuit of his picture book. The only girl watched disinterestedly from her oldest brothers arms and the youngest boy was struggling valiantly to get away from the next oldest who kept him firm at hand.

"Children this is Mr. Potter and his son Harry. They are going to be spending the day with us," Mrs. Weasley said taking the baby from her oldest.

The children all smiled or said hello. Molly introduced them all and moved to put Ginny in her highchair.

"Oh just let Ronald down Charlie, he can't get into too much trouble," she added. The second oldest gratefully deposited his still squirming brother on the floor.

James set Harry down as well and the two boys regarded each other thoughtfully. Hesitantly Harry held out part of his biscuit that was yet uneaten and Ron took it from his hand and crammed it into his mouth. Ron grinned and held out a hand to Harry who took it and the two slowly toddled away.

"The fastest way to Ron's heart is through his stomach," Molly laughed as she set a cup of tea for herself and James at the table.

James spent the afternoon watching Harry play with Ron's blocks and other toys. The twins joined in on occasion but their teasing soon had Molly shooing them out into the garden. At lunch Harry had willingly sat on Molly's lap and when Arthur returned home for the night at five Harry happily waved and giggled. James felt that he might just get away with leaving Harry. Soon it was six and time for James to leave.

"Arthur, this is an enchanted mirror, just say my name into it if you need me and I will answer you," James said handing Arthur a mirror and making a mental note to have Sirius tie one around his neck after he transformed.

James walked over to where Harry played on the floor and scooped him up into his arms.

"Harry, Daddy has to go do something okay? Mrs. Weasley is going to take good care of you and I will be here to see you when you wake up in the morning. Be a good boy now. I love you," James said kissing the messy hair on his baby's head.

He handed the boy to Molly. Harry watched James walk out the door with wide eyes. He had just made up his mind to scream when Molly produced two biscuits and settled Harry and Ron in the living room with a ball.

* * *

James felt his heart twist as he left his son with someone other than his two best friends for the first time. _I miss you Lil,_ he thought. He paused at the edge of the garden and waited for Sirius who popped up soon after.

"Ready?" he asked cheerfully, full moons were always more fun with Prongs.

James nodded, but looked hesitantly back at the door.

"He'll be fine Prongs," Sirius said softly.

James nodded, _but will I be fine?_ He was having a hard time leaving Harry. He knew Remus needed him though, so he disapparated with Sirius and went to stay the night with Remus.

* * *

Soon Harry had grown tired of the game and tired in general. He rubbed his eyes and whimpered softly.

"Poor dear, are you sleepy? Well let's get you tucked in now then," Molly cooed picking up the boy.

Harry laid his head on her shoulder. Her red hair tickled his nose. Perhaps because her hair was the color of his mother's or perhaps because she was just so motherly, but whatever the reason Harry was quite content with Molly Weasley. Ron was not content when he saw his mother's attention going to someone else. He was used to losing attention to his brothers and Ginny, but not to this stranger; especially not at bedtime. He had a different bedtime than everyone else and he always had special Mummy and Daddy time.

"Mama! Up, mama, up!" Ron cried holding out his arms and making grabbing motions with his fists.

"Ronnie sweetie, Mummy has Harry right now, but Daddy will carry you," Molly said.

Arthur scooped up his youngest son and kissed the top of his head. Ron was not having it. He cried and pouted until Molly handed Harry to Arthur and took the wailing Ron in her arms. Ron snuggled up close.

"My Mama," he said grabbing her dress and frowning at Harry.

Harry's lip trembled and he buried his little face in Arthur's sweater. The sweater was soft and slightly itchy, just like his "Moo's" sweaters always were against his cheek.

"Ronald Weasley! Stop that," Molly chided.

Arthur patted Harry's back soothingly. Between him and Molly both boys were soon settled into their cots. Harry's was in Molly and Arthur's room in case the boy had one of his nightmares. Molly tucked his soft blue blanket around him and handed him the stuffed stag that James had packed.

"Daddy?" the baby asked sleepily around the thumb in his mouth.

"Daddy will be here when you wake up. Sleep now dear," Molly soothed.

Harry drifted off and didn't stir when Molly and Arthur went to bed after settling in the twins, Percy, Charlie, and Bill. They all slept through the night until early the next morning when Ginny's shrieks woke them. The nursery was right next to Molly and Arthur's room so that they could hear the baby's cries. Harry too woke up and was frightened because he had no idea what the loud noise was. He started to cry as well. Molly calmed Harry and got him dressed for the day while Arthur cared for their daughter.

* * *

Before long the whole family was settled at the table. Harry was happily munching on porridge and sipping pumpkin juice out of his sippy cup when James arrived. He knocked and Molly let him in. Harry didn't notice him at first, he was chattering at Ron and giggling as Charlie tickled him. James felt a pain in his chest. He was pleased that Harry seemed to get along so well here, but he had hoped the boy missed him.

"Daddy!" James' attention snapped back to the room at his son's cry.

Harry bounced happily and reached insistently towards James crying 'Daddy' over and over. James laughed and yanked the boy to his chest, his worries forgotten. He buried his face in the boy's soft hair and relished the feel of the familiar weight in his arms.

"I missed you kiddo," James whispered.

Harry happily cuddled up to his father. Molly smiled at the sight and went to fetch Harry's things. James thanked the Weasleys profusely and Molly assured him they were welcome anytime and that they would see them for the next full moon for certain. James took Harry home where Remus and Sirius were waiting to see how the boy had done.

"Prongslet," Sirius exclaimed as they appeared in the living room.

"Pa'foo!" Harry squealed and reached towards his godfather.

Sirius chuckled and took the boy, tossing him up in the air and catching him. Harry squealed with laughter.

"Shhh, we have to be quiet Harry, Moony is sleeping. He is a little bit sick," James said shooting his best friend a look.

Sirius looked sheepish and Harry frowned.

"See Moo?" Harry asked.

"If you're quiet," James said taking him back into his arms. Normally he took Harry out the day after the full moon so Remus could rest, but since they had been out yesterday and all last night he wanted to stay home.

James walked into Remus' room and placed Harry gently on the side of the bed. Remus cracked open his eyes and smiled at the boy. He raised his hand and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Moo no be sick," Harry said kissing the man on the cheek.

"I'll be just fine by tomorrow morning Harry, don't you worry," Remus assured him smiling.

Harry decided that he was satisfied and curled up against Remus and went straight to sleep. Ginny got up earlier than he usually did and he was tired. James smiled and after casting the charm to make sure that Harry was squashed by Remus, he left his friend and son to rest.

* * *

As James made his way toward the living room he heard a loud pop and Albus Dumbledore appeared in the living room.

"Albus, what can I do for you?" James asked kindly.

"I have discovered something about Lily's sacrifice and what it means. Because the protection Lily left Harry is blood protection Harry needs to reside in the house with Lily's sister to keep it active," Albus said jumping right into it.

James stared at him in a mixture of horror and shock, surely he couldn't be suggesting…

* * *

A.N. I'm sorry! It has been forever! I was feeling definitively uninspired and I have been so busy with work. I will try and be better about updating. I know this one is short, but the next one will hopefully be up tomorrow because I am really excited about it. Thank you for being patient with me! You are all awesome! Please let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4: Unkind Relations

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

James stared blankly at his headmaster.

"You want me to give up my son to my wife's sister?" James asked in a strangled voice.

"Harry must reside with Petunia for part of the year. It is the only way to ensure the blood protection remains effective," Albus continued apologetically.

"NO! I won't let you take him from me! He is all I have left! Petunia hates magic and she hated Lily. She hated _Lily_, Lily who was kind and generous to a fault. Petunia didn't even come to the funeral! How can you ask me to send my baby there?" James bellowed at the headmaster.

Sirius raced into the room, alerted by the shouting. When he saw the headmaster he quickly cast a Silencing Charm to keep the shouts from waking Remus or Harry.

"What's going on?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"He wants me to send Harry to Petunia for part of the year," James answered glaring at the headmaster.

"What?" Sirius roared rounding on the professor.

"It is the only way to ensure that the blood protection keeps Harry safe from Voldemort," Albus answered calmly. "It is best for Harry," he added.

"No it isn't. It is best for Harry to be with me, and Remus, and Sirius, people that love him. I won't lose him Albus, I can't," James retorted, the fear of being separated from his son evident in his eyes.

"Would you rather he died at the hands of Voldemort?" Albus asked harshly.

James paled dramatically and sank onto the sofa. Sirius sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, he glared at the headmaster. It hadn't been that long since they lost Lily, James was just starting to be normal again and here was Albus throwing the thought of his son's murder in his face.

"How long? You said he needed to stay there for part of the year, how long?" James said suddenly.

"Three weeks should be sufficient I believe," Albus answered.

"James, you can't really mean to send Harry there," Sirius asked shocked. He had met Petunia Dursley at Lily and James' wedding. He felt ill at the thought of his godson in her hands.

"I can't lose him like I lost Lily. She died for him, I can't just reject that," James said.

"Shall I speak to Petunia then and arrange for Harry to spend the three weeks prior to his birthday with her and her family," Albus said, he was pleased James was realizing that this was their only option.

"No," James answered. "You should arrange for us both to be there. I understand that he needs to go, but I won't leave him there all alone. We will try this, but if I don't like the way he is treated we won't be staying, blood protection or no blood protection," James glared fiercely at the headmaster as if daring him to contradict his statement.

Albus merely nodded, he had no problem with James going so long as Harry went. "I'll speak to Petunia and arrange it. I will have you go when school lets out and leave just before Harry's birthday. That way when Harry starts school it will not interfere. I know you do not like this James, but thank you for doing what is in Harry's best interest," Albus said disapparating.

James dropped his head into his hands. _What would Lily say?_ James thought to himself. He had sworn that Harry would never have a chance to be hurt by the lack of love from his aunt and uncle the way Lily had been hurt by her sister, yet here he was bringing Harry there to stay.

"You okay?" Sirius asked putting his hand on James' shoulder.

"I will be. I haven't got a choice. I will keep him safe," James answered running a hand through his hair.

* * *

Sirius removed the silencing charm and the two sat lost in their own thoughts. Before long James heard Harry calling for him.

"Hey little man," he said scooping the boy off of Remus' bed and bringing him out into the living room. The ground floor of the cottage housed James and Harry's room, Remus' room, the living room, kitchen, and a bathroom. The upstairs housed the library, Sirius' bedroom, the bathroom, and the guest room. James placed Harry in the corner of the living room with his favorite toy, his Quidditch set and watched him play.

"They had better not try and treat him any different than any other kid or so help me—" Sirius began.

"I won't let them hurt him, not the way Lily was hurt by Petunia," James interrupted.

Harry sensed the somber mood in the room and toddled over to his father and godfather. He raised his arms and Sirius placed him on the couch. Harry snuggled up between the two and pointed insistently to his picture books on the coffee table. Sirius grabbed the stack and allowed Harry to choose, groaning when the pudgy puppy book was picked.

"It's his favorite," James laughed opening the book. As James read he and Sirius began to nod off, feeling the effects of a sleepless night. By the end of the book they were both out cold and Harry held the book on his lap. That was how Remus found them an hour later when he got up to make lunch.

"Moo!" Harry cried out happily as Remus entered the room.

His yell startled his father and godfather who snapped awake and looked around blearily.

"Anybody for some lunch?" Remus asked holding out his arms to Harry who went to him willingly.

"Lunch! Soup Moo?" Harry asked smiling.

"Soup it is, chicken noodle I think, and some grilled cheese," Remus answered smiling.

Harry began chattering away about the Weasleys to Remus as the two went into the kitchen. James and Sirius followed with a smile. Before long the food was finished and the four were happily munching on their food. Harry finished quickly and squirmed to be released from his highchair. James let him down and he toddled over to his toy dragons in the corner of the kitchen and began playing. James and Sirius filled Remus in on the happenings with Dumbledore.

"There's something else I wanted to discuss with you guys as well," James said. "It has been great living here with you and you have both been such a big help with Harry, but I think it is time he and I moved. I want to raise him in my parents' house. It has been in the Potter family for generations. Lily and I didn't move in there after my parents died because we were already settled at the cottage and expecting Harry. Now I think it is time I moved in there with Harry. We both love living with you two and I hope you will come around often, but it is time for us to get back on our own feet," James said. He looked worriedly between his two best friends waiting for their reaction.

"Whatever you need James. I will certainly miss you both, but there's no reason for us not to see each other often and you are welcome to return whenever," Remus said smiling at his friend. He was happy that James was getting back to his old self. He would definitely miss having them around, but he had been friends with James for too long for them to be too affected by distance.

James smiled at his friend and turned to face Sirius.

"I talked to Dumbledore yesterday. I am taking the Arithmancy position permanently. I wouldn't be around much during the school year anyway. Harry should have a chance to grow up in Potter Manor. After all, I am going to make a point of sharing all the secret passages and hideaways we discovered with my godson," Sirius laughed.

James rolled his eyes. With his luck Sirius would have Harry set up with a dozen different hiding places to escape bedtime before the boy was three. He was grateful to his friends for being so understanding. He really did love living with the two of them again. It was almost like being back in the Gryffindor tower. Except he wasn't in school anymore, he was a parent and an adult. He needed to prove to himself and the world that he was capable of raising Harry on his own.

Thus it was decided and a week a later Harry and James moved into Potter Manor. The house was large and spacious and Harry absolutely hated it at first. Soon though he came to consider it home and James began to think of it as his own home rather than his parents. They passed many happy months there, but too soon for James' liking it came time for him and Harry to visit Petunia.

* * *

At first Harry was not upset when James began packing up his things. He had grown used to staying with the Weasleys during the full moons and quite enjoyed his sleepovers. He excitedly went and brought his toy dragons to James so that they could be packed.

"Sorry buddy, only Muggle toys for this trip," James said ruffling Harry's hair. He wasn't going to give Petunia an excuse to start in on him. Harry frowned, but instead fetched his stuffed animals and pudgy puppy book. James smiled and tucked them into the bag. Harry was also confused when James packed his own clothes into a bag.

"Daddy too?" he asked with a smile.

"Yes, Daddy is going with you. We are going to go see Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon and your cousin Dudley for awhile," James said forcing a smile onto his face.

"Won?" Harry asked with a frown.

"No not Ron's house today," James answered.

Harry's lower lip stuck out into a pout and James scooped him into his arms for a hug and kiss. He tickled the boy's tummy and listened to his giggles. He grabbed both the bags and their jackets and took Harry into his arms. He apparated to Arabella Figg's house and, after greeting her with a smile, walked down to Petunia's house and knocked on the door. Petunia opened the door with a frown and ushered them quickly into the hall.

"Hello Petunia, how've you been?" James gritted out.

"I'm not happy to have you here, but since I had no choice in the matter I will tell you that I won't have any of your freakishness in this house. You are here for three weeks and I won't have you displaying your abnormalities in my home, yours or your son's," Petunia spit out as she ushered James up to the guest room.

Harry whimpered softly at the harshness of the woman's cold tone and the glare she sent at him and his father. After Petunia slammed the door as she left them to unpack, Harry burst into frightened and confused tears.

"Hush little man. It's going to be just fine. We will just stay up here and only go down once in a while okay," James said patting the boy's back. Inside he was seething. How dare that woman behave like that? How dare she scare Harry, her own nephew? _I should have listened to my gut; I shouldn't have let Albus convince me to come here. How could that woman know anything about protection that comes from love? _James thought as he soothed Harry.

He laid the boy in the cot that he pulled from the bag and magically expanded and Harry went straight down for his nap. James unpacked their things and settled them into the room. He knew that Sirius didn't understand why he had agreed to bring Harry here, James wasn't sure he really understood himself. All he knew was that Albus had said this would keep Lily's blood protection intact and James had to do everything he possibly could to keep Harry safe. _If I let her blood protection go then she died for nothing._

After Harry's nap James and he hesitantly made their way downstairs for tea. They found the Dursley family in the kitchen seated around the table. Vernon glared at them as James sat in the empty chair at the table and held Harry in his lap. Petunia chewed her tongue as she placed a cup of tea in front of James. Harry reached for one of the biscuits on the table; Mrs. Weasley always had fresh biscuits for him. Dudley reached over from his high chair and snatched the biscuit out of Harry's hand.

"Mine," the fat blonde toddler yelled as he smashed the cookie to his face.

Harry looked shocked and then his lip trembled and tears began to fall. James soothed him and glared at Petunia who reached for her son and, with some difficulty, hefted him from the high chair.

"It's alright Duddykins, Mummy won't let the nasty boy steal your biscuits, no she won't," Petunia cooed in a sickly sweet voice.

"I don't like the fact that I am here anymore than you do Petunia, but I will not tolerate any cruelty towards my son, not from you or your son. If you harm him you will be sorry," James said icily.

"Don't you dare threaten my wife!" Vernon roared turning a puce color.

James shot him a fierce glare and gathered Harry into his arms. He swept up the stairs and into the guest room. Magically expanding the room James transfigured books from the bookcase into the items he would need to create a complete living space for himself and Harry. A trip to the market and a few hours later he and Harry were enjoying a dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup.

* * *

Much of the first two weeks passed in the same manor. James cooked all his and Harry's meals and kept Harry away from his relatives for most of the day. They spent many afternoons playing in the backyard sunshine or reading picture books that James had borrowed from the nearby Muggle library. Evenings were spent enduring the Dursley's company as the TV was watched or conversations held. It was during one such evening in the final week of their stay that a knock was heard at the door. Petunia glared at James as she hurried to answer it, seemingly hoping he would disappear upstairs. James stayed where he was with Harry on his lap. The boy had been quiet all day and James worried his relatives nastiness was beginning to affect him. James stood up in shock when Sirius Black swept into the room followed by a fuming Petunia.

"James you have to come quickly. I just received word from Dumbledore that Remus' home has been attacked," Sirius said urgently.

James paled, "How did they find it?" he asked.

"Remus had Albus remove the Fidelius Charm after you and Harry left remember? He wasn't worried about an attack on himself," Sirius answered.

James nodded grimly. He didn't want to leave Harry, but if Remus was hurt or dying then James owed it to his friend to go to him.

"I have to go out for a few hours, please watch Harry for me. I'll put him to bed now, you'll just need to look in on him if he cries," James said turning to Petunia. She chewed her lip and nodded curtly. James hurriedly set Harry down in his crib and followed Sirius out the door.

"I hate leaving him there," James muttered as the two friends hurried down the road.

"He'll be fine for a few hours. He should sleep the whole time," Sirius said reassuringly. James nodded.

* * *

An hour after they left Harry woke in his crib and began to scream, his face was flushed with fever and the little boy was miserable and sick. Petunia raced into the room. It was right next door to Dudley's and she wasn't going to let her nephew interfere with her boy's sleep.

"Hush now you little brat," she demanded grabbing Harry up and forcing him back onto his back in the crib. She ignored the feverish skin beneath her hands. Harry coughed and cried harder than ever despite Petunia's attempts to quiet him. Eventually Vernon came into the room. He grabbed Harry and his blankets and carried him downstairs. He grabbed one of the sofa cushions and placed it in the cupboard under the stairs and laid the boy on it.

"Won't be able to hear him down here," he said cheerfully to his wife. The two made their way up to their bedroom and ignored the plaintive cries of their sick nephew.

* * *

When James and Sirius arrived at Remus' house they found other members of the Order of the Phoenix fighting off a number of Death Eaters. After a bit the Death Eaters fled and the two searched the house for their friend. They found him lying on his bedroom floor.

"_Ennervate,_" James cried pointing his wand at Remus' chest.

They both sighed in relief when the werewolf's eyes fluttered open.

"Alright then Moony?" Sirius asked weakly.

"Fine, just roughed me up a bit wanting to know where you and Harry were James. They stunned me when Order members started showing up," Remus answered sitting up with a groan.

Sirius and James helped him to straighten out the mess that was his home and decided that for now it would be safer for him to go to Potter Manor. Sirius decided to accompany him and James returned to Privet Drive roughly two and a half hours after he had left. He quietly made his way up the stairs and into the guest room. His heart stopped when he saw that Harry's cot was empty. He raced down the hall and burst into Vernon and Petunia's bedroom.

"Where is my son?" he bellowed at them. The two startled awake and Vernon glared at James.

"He was screaming fit to wake the neighbors. We couldn't have him up here keeping Dudders awake", Petunia said nastily.

"Where is he?" James shouted. Following the shout James heard the familiar cries of his son from downstairs.

Following the noise James arrived at the cupboard under the stairs. Horrified he jerked open the door. Harry lay miserably on the cushion. His cheeks were flushed and streaked with tears and his nose was running. He sobbed brokenly and reached for James who clutched his close. He was startled by the warmth of the baby's skin and was disgusted to realize that Harry's cries were because he was ill. Petunia and Vernon had followed him down the stairs and James rounded on them viciously.

"He is your nephew and he is sick and you left him in the cupboard! What is the matter with you people? I don't care what Albus has said about Harry being safer staying here, he was wrong. We are leaving and we are never coming back. How dare you hurt my son?" James shouted. He whipped his wand out and waved it over the house. Petunia's once spotless home now looked as if the vacuum had expelled every bit of dirt and dust it contained over every surface of the home. James quickly summoned his and Harry's things and disapparated with the still screaming child.

He reappeared in the living room and Potter Manor and began to attempt to sooth Harry.

"Shhh, it's okay baby. Daddy is so sorry that he left you, hush now little man. You're feeling bad aren't you? Let's get you a cool cloth for that head," James said feeling tears in the back of his eyes.

His baby was sick and he had left him with people that were intentionally cruel to him. _I'm so sorry Lily,_ he thought as he carried the boy into the kitchen. He found Sirius and Remus sitting in there having a firewhiskey to relax after the attack.

"James? What happened?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"Harry's sick, he must have started to feel really bad after we left and he started to cry. They didn't like how much noise he was making so they locked him in the cupboard under the stairs and just left him there," James answered miserably. Sirius and Remus stared at him in shock and horror.

Harry had stopped crying and merely lay listlessly in James arms, his hot face against his father's neck. James wet a cloth with cool water and stroked it over the boy's face repeatedly. He filled a sippy cup with cool water and gave it to Harry who sucked it down and then lay back in his arms. He gave him more water and a dose of children's medicine before he took the baby back into the living room. Harry lay in his arms as James stroked his face with the cloth and murmured soothingly to him. Soon the boy was asleep. James continued to rock him and stare at his sweet little face.

"I'm going to kill them," Sirius burst out angrily but quietly so as not to wake Harry. Remus also looked furious at the treatment of his honorary nephew.

"No, I just want them behind us, out of our lives forever," James said still cradling his son. "I made a mistake in listening to Dumbledore. I should never have brought Harry there. I won't do that again. I will trust my gut when it comes to keeping him safe. If Albus thinks that he is ever going back there then he has another thing coming," James continued.

He was never going to forgive himself for leaving Harry with his relatives, for not being there when his baby needed him.

"Never again little man. From now on I am with you whenever you need me, always," James whispered as he kissed his son's head. Remus and Sirius went up to bed but James stayed downstairs holding his son and caring for him throughout the night. He had let him down once and he wasn't going to do it again. Albus Dumbledore had a lot to answer for.

* * *

A.N. So what did you think? There was no way I was letting Harry get sent to the Dursley's house for good. Sorry about the lame little bit in the middle where Harry and James move out. I could have elaborated more, but it wasn't really important so I didn't. Next chapter we get to see Harry's second birthday, yay! So I hope you guys liked this one, I am yet undecided about it. Thanks for reading and reviewing! I love all of you who review, they really make my day! I know I don't list responses to all of my reviewers in the chapters, but that is just because those annoy me when I am trying to read a story. I still love all of you! You guys rock. I will try and update soon, but my other story is in need of a little TLC!


	5. Chapter 5: Birthdays Past and Present

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

James woke up on the morning of his son's second birthday with a conflicted heart. In the nine months since he had lost Lily living without her had started to become easier. He could get through his days without feeling an overwhelming sense of grief. He could look into his baby's eyes and not feel his heart twist with how similar they were to his dead wife's. Today would be anything but easy however. He thought back to the day two years ago when his baby boy had been born.

* * *

_Flashback_

James woke up to his wife's voice. She was yelling at him in a furious tone.

"James Potter! Get your arse out of that bed and help me!" Lily screamed. She hurried towards her dresser and began rummaging through the drawers.

"Whuzzgoinon?" James asked blearily.

"I'm having the baby you git!" Lily had shrieked as she pulled on the dress she had located.

"Now?" James asked bolting awake.

"Yes now," Lily had answered irritably.

James looked at her and saw his own panic reflected in her eyes. Dumbledore had told them of the prophecy. They had been praying that the baby would hold out for just a bit longer and be born in August. Their hopes were for naught it seemed because their baby was going to be born today. James took his wife in his arms.

"It's going to be okay. We aren't going to let anything happen to this little one. I promise you I will keep our baby safe Lils," he murmured to her. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"We need to go to St. Mungo's," Lily said. She pulled away and moved to go downstairs. She reached the doorframe and doubled over in pain. James was by her side in an instant.

"Breathe Lil, it's going to be okay," James instructed as he helped her downstairs to the floo. He had the hospital bag in one hand and held Lily with the other. They went through the floo together and stumbled out into the maternity ward at St. Mungo's. James hurriedly checked them in and they were shown to their room.

"You should tell the boys," Lily panted out as she gripped her stomach in the midst of a contraction. James nodded and sent his stag patronus to Sirius, Remus, and Peter. He gripped Lily's hand in his and brought it to his lips.

An hour passed before Sirius had come bursting in. Remus was just seconds behind him. Sirius hurried over to clap James on the back. Remus went to Lily's side and began to speak soothingly to her about a new book he had read. James was grateful to Remus for being able to distract her from the pain in a way that he could not. He couldn't deny that he was pleased however, when Lily reached for him and gasped his name as a particularly intense contraction hit her. James moved closer to her. He spoke softly as he stroked her hair and allowed her to crush his hand.

"We'll just be outside if you need us," Remus said. He smiled at the intense connection between his two friends.

"But..." Sirius began.

"Outside Padfoot," Remus insisted as he dragged his friend out.

"Where's Wormy?" Lily asked as the contraction passed.

"His mother is ill, he told Sirius he couldn't come," James said relaying the information he had just received from Sirius. Lily nodded.

Six hours later James watched as his beautiful baby boy came into the world. The healers handed the bundle to him. He cuddled the baby close to his chest as the healers cleaned Lily up. The baby opened his eyes and stared up at him with Lily's green eyes. His own messy mop of hair dominated the top of his head.

"Hey little man, I'm your daddy," James whispered as he placed one of his long fingers in his son's small palm. The baby closed his fist tightly around it. James felt tears sting his eyes as he was overwhelmed with love for the tiny baby in his arms.

"James," Lily called. James snapped his attention to her and quickly moved closer with their son.

"We have a son," he said as he placed the baby on Lily's chest.

"He's perfect," Lily said kissing his head. James nodded. "He'll need a name," Lily continued.

"Harry," James said. He didn't know why, but from the moment he had laid eyes on his boy the name Harry had been floating around his head.

"Harry, I like it. James will do for a middle name I think," Lily said smiling at the baby.

"Welcome to the world Harry James Potter," James said as he too beamed at his baby. In that instant he knew that no matter what it took he would protect his baby boy. _I will keep you safe Harry James. To the last breath in my body I will protect you,_ James thought as he watched his family.

_End Flashback_

* * *

James shook himself out of his memories. He hurriedly dressed and moved down the hall to Harry's room. The toddler was sitting in his cot contentedly playing with his stuffed stag.

"Daddy!" he cried as he saw James. He dropped his toy and raised his arms into the air, demanding to be picked up.

"Happy Birthday little man," James said scooping Harry into his arms. He changed the baby and dressed him for the day. Harry chattered the whole time. A lot had changed since the day the boy had been born, but one thing remained the same. James would still do anything in his power for Harry. James couldn't believe how much love he had in his heart for his little boy.

"I love you Harry," James said kissing the baby's forehead.

"Love you Daddy," Harry said placing a wet kiss on James' cheek. James laughed.

The two made their way into the kitchen where they found Sirius and Remus. The two men had been staying at Grimmauld Place since the attack on Remus' cottage. They weren't taking any chances, so until Sirius could find someplace he considered safe the two were staying with James.

"Happy Birthday Prongslet!" Sirius cried as they came into the kitchen. Sirius threw a handful of confetti into the hair and it rained down on James and Harry. Harry clapped his hands and grinned.

"Happy Birthday Harry," Remus said rubbing the boy's hair affectionately.

Both men's thoughts were transported back to the evening two years ago when they had met Harry for the first time.

* * *

_Flashback_

Remus sat in the waiting room in St. Mungo's with his nose buried in a book. Sirius was bored out of his mind. He had taken to pulling small bits of paper out of the waiting room magazines and throwing them into Remus' hair.

"Moony, how much longer?" he whined. Remus frowned at him. Just then the door opened and James stepped out.

"Meet Harry James Potter," he said proudly. He held up the small bundle in his friends.

"You have a son," Remus said smiling at the adorable infant in James' arms.

"Come on in and see Lily," James said with a huge smile on his face. The group hurried into the room where both men kissed Lily's cheek and assured her that Harry was the cutest baby ever to be born.

"Give him to Sirius," Lily instructed James. James complied and Sirius cautiously cuddled Harry close to his chest.

"Hey there Prongslet," Sirius whispered. The name fell from his lips without thought. He was captivated by the little boy in his arms. _I would do anything for this kid_, Sirius thought as he gently rocked the baby.

"We want you to be godfather Padfoot," James said smiling at his best friend's utter devotion to the infant in his arms.

"Really?" Sirius asked looking up in shock. "Moony is so much more responsible. I figured you would want him."

"Anti-Werewolf Laws wouldn't have allowed it even if they did," Remus said quietly.

"We want you both to be his godfather. He won't have a godmother. Just because it isn't official doesn't mean we won't think of you as his godfather Remus," Lily said.

Remus smiled at his friends and Sirius handed Harry to him, although it was somewhat reluctantly that he relinquished the baby. Remus smiled down at the infant in his arms. He felt something stir in the wolf side of his personality and his warm blue eyes turned amber.

"Remus?" James asked in a slightly panicked voice as he recognized the signs of the wolf within.

"It's alright James, Moony is just recognizing a new member of the pack," Remus assured his friends.

"What does that mean exactly?" Lily asked curiously.

"It means that Moony, and by extension me, will do anything to protect Harry. I would die for him, but then I think we all would," Remus said softly. He handed Harry back over to his parents.

Remus and Sirius left the small family in peace. They were both somewhat shocked by how quickly they had come to care for the newest member of their unorthodox Marauder family.

"We have to win this war Moony. Harry shouldn't have to grow up like this," Sirius said as they exited the hospital.

"I know Padfoot, I know," Remus answered as they parted ways for their respective flats.

_End Flashback_

* * *

Sirius grabbed Harry away from James and set about teaching the boy to throw confetti. Remus moved to James side and looked at his friend with concern.

"Are you alright Prongs?" Remus asked.

"It is going to be a rough day without Lily. I can't tell you how much it means that you guys are here to help me with the party. I don't know how I would manage it on my own. I want to make sure this is special for Harry," James answered. Remus squeezed his friend's shoulder in support.

"No Harry! You're supposed to throw it, not eat it!" Sirius cried as Harry moved to stuff his glittery fist in his mouth. James and Remus roared with laughter as Sirius bribed the confetti away from the toddle with an animal cracker.

"Ready for your party little man?" James asked as he scooped the boy up. Harry was distracted by chattering away about his birthday to James, James took the opportunity to scoop the confetti out of his hand and chuck it at Sirius.

"He's a little young for confetti Padfoot," Remus said as he placed a bowl of cheerios and banana slices in front of Harry.

"Big boy Moo!" Harry cried out.

"Yes you are a big boy now," Remus answered smiling at the boy.

The four had a quiet breakfast and then decorated the living room for the party. There were red and gold streamers draped over the ceiling and on the trees in the garden. The patio doors were open to the back garden. One table was laden with snack foods and drinks. There was another table for the cake Molly Weasley was bringing. On the far end of the cake table there was a section set up for presents. James, Sirius and Remus added theirs to the pile. The guests soon began arriving with the Weasley's being the first.

"Happy Birthday Harry dear," Molly exclaimed. She pulled the boy into her arms for a crushing hug and a kiss. Harry giggled and wiggled away to join Ron on the floor, the two scurried away towards Harry's toy dragons.

"Thanks so much for the cake Molly," James said as he took the cake from her. It looked delicious with thick chocolate icing and 'Happy Birthday Harry!' written on it in gold icing. He set the cake on the table and Molly added their present to the table. The rest of the Weasley family dispersed throughout the party area. Remus and Sirius were both introduced to the Weasleys. They had never formally met them. They knew of them, of course, through Gideon and Fabian Prewett. The Prewetts had been good friends of theirs in the Order and the brothers had often spoken of their sister and her children. It was because of them that James had first approached Molly and Arthur to watch Harry. Before long the adults were all conversing happily and the children amusing themselves.

Shortly after that the rest of the guests arrived. Augusta Longbottom brought her grandson Neville. James was pleased to see they had come. Neville had been at Harry's first birthday party as well, though then it had been with his parents, Alice and Frank Longbottom. James shuddered at the thought of his two friends being tortured to insanity. Neville seemed shy, but James soon coaxed him into playing with Harry and Ron. The Longbottoms were followed by a few professors from Hogwarts that rounded out the party. Professor McGonagall came, as did Professor Dumbledore.

"I'm so glad you could make it Minerva," James said warmly. She had always been his favorite professor. She smiled and set off to speak to Mrs. Longbottom. James turned to his former headmaster.

"Albus," he greeted shortly. He still harbored some resentment in his heart for what Harry had been forced to endure at Petunia's.

"My dear boy I must apologize. Had I known how despicably Harry would be treated by his relatives I would never have suggested you bring him. I fully support your decision to take responsibility for Harry's safety into your own hands. I will help in any way that I can," Albus said. There was obvious remorse in his face.

"Thank you," James answered. He found he couldn't hold on to his anger in the face of such obvious guilt. The two joined the party.

* * *

Overall it was a good day. Harry had a great deal of fun with his friends. They all enjoyed the food and the good company. By the time the last guest had been sent home Harry was yawning and filthy. James bathed him and settled him into his cot for the night.

"Happy Birthday little man. I love you so much," James said kissing his son's head. In that moment he could almost swear he felt Lily place her hand next to his on their son's chest and whisper her love for both her boys.

* * *

A.N. I'm so sorry I kept you waiting. I really had to get some work done on my other story and I have been completely uninspired. I hope that you all enjoyed. As much as I love writing baby/toddler Harry I think I am going to jump to five-year-old Harry for the next chapter. You guys are awesome as always. I also wanted to address the fact that I tweaked how the blood protection worked in the last few chapters. I realize that Harry would have had to live with the Dursleys for it to actually work, but considering the fact it is an AU story and I had no intention of the blood protection actually getting fulfilled I didn't think you guys would mind. Please review and be kind! Until next time!


	6. Chapter 6: Misbehaving on the Full Moon

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

A few days after Harry's fifth birthday James was preparing the boy for yet another night at the Weasleys' so he could spend the night of the full moon with Remus and Sirius.

"I want to stay home with you," Harry said pouting. He had long since gotten over his habit of refusing to let James out of his sight, so James wasn't sure why tonight was such a problem.

"Harry, you go to the Weasleys' every full moon. You love spending time with Ron, and Molly is a much better cook than I am," James said patiently. The five-year-old pushed out his bottom lip. "Why don't you want to go?"

"I had the dream last night, the one about Mummy," Harry whispered to his lap. James could hear the quaver in his voice and knew that he was fighting tears and losing. James sat on the bed and pulled his son into his lap.

"Why didn't you wake me little man?" James asked. He raised Harry's face up to meet his own and brushed the tears from his face.

"I'm a big boy now. Big boys don't cry to their daddies when they have bad dreams. That's what Percy told me," Harry answered sniffling. James cuddled him close and squashed down the surge of rage he felt for Percy Weasley.

"You'll never be too big to come to me when you want to. There is nothing babyish about being upset by the nightmares," James assured Harry as the boy cuddled into his chest. He shuddered to think how terrifying it must be for Harry to dream of green light and Lily's screams. He waited until Harry seemed calm and then pulled back to look into his eyes.

"I know you don't want to go, but do you understand why I need you to go to the Weasleys'? I need to be here with Remus and Sirius tonight," James said softly. Harry nodded; he knew that Remus was a werewolf, and that James and Sirius kept him company at night in their Animagus forms. Harry didn't think it was fair he had to be sent away just because he couldn't turn into an animal, but considering how much fun he had with Ron he never said anything.

"I'll ask Molly to leave a nightlight on tonight just in case, okay?" James continued. Harry reluctantly nodded.

"Can we sit a little bit longer?" he pleaded clinging to James. James nodded and snuggled him closer. He loved holding Harry like this, especially since the times when the boy would tolerate it were becoming fewer and farther between. They sat cuddled together for quite a while until Sirius arrived.

"Hey Prongslet! Ready for some fun at the Weasleys'?" Sirius cried as he stepped from the fireplace. James shook his head at his best friend. He stood up and Harry stayed clinging to his shirt. James placed him on his hip and gathered up his bag.

"Say goodnight to Padfoot," he told the boy. Harry mumbled a half-hearted farewell. Sirius gave James an inquiring look and James simply mouthed 'later' at him.

* * *

James stepped out of the floo into the Weasley kitchen. Ron ran up and Harry squirmed to be put down. James set him on the floor and gave him a hug. Harry clung tighter and longer than usual, but reluctantly allowed himself to be lead away. Molly looked at James with questioning concern.

"He had a rough night last night, nightmares, and he was afraid to come to me because he didn't want to seem like a baby. If you could leave a nightlight for tonight that would be wonderful," James explained as he placed Harry's bag next to the table.

"Percy," Molly said rolling her eyes. "I had a terrified Ron in my bed the other night. He was worried his brothers were going to call him a baby for coming to me because that's what Percy told him. I've had a word with the boy and believe me he won't be saying it again. I'll leave the nightlight, of course." James immediately felt relieved and assured her he would be by bright and early to collect Harry.

* * *

James apparated home and met Remus and Sirius in the living room.

"What's up with Prongslet?" Sirius demanded immediately.

"He had the nightmare about Lily last night. He didn't want to come see me because Percy told him that only babies went crying to their parents after a nightmare. He was really clingy and upset to be away from me tonight," James answered.

"Why that little beast! How dare he tell Prongslet that?" Sirius cried.

"Molly's taken care of it Padfoot," James said cutting his friend off. Remus could see by the set of his jaw that James was upset that Harry had been made to believe he couldn't come to him. James wanted nothing more than to be there for Harry in every way possible.

"You could have kept him home James. The old shack would have served me well enough for the night now that I don't have the cottage. I don't want to get in the way of your and Harry's relationship," Remus said softly. James shook his head.

"I want to be here for you Moony. Harry understands that these nights are times when I have to be here for my friends. Besides, I don't want Harry to think he has to be afraid of these dreams. They are horrible and I can't blame him for how they affect him, but I want him to keep them from interfering in his life," James said. Remus nodded and soon it was time for them to transform. They made their way to the basement room that James had designed for Remus' transformations when Remus had finally sold the old cottage he had used.

* * *

Harry was quiet throughout dinner and playtime at the Weasley home. Molly could see the telltale signs of tiredness and immediately felt annoyed with her son for causing the boy to lose sleep. She encouraged Harry and Ron to go to bed early. She tucked them both in and flicked her wand so that a small ball of orange light floated over the two beds.

"Good night dears. You come right down and see Arthur and I if you need anything," she said pulling up their blankets.

Harry rolled over and fell asleep quickly. A few hours later he awoke in a cold sweat. The nightmare always seemed worse when he had it two nights in a row. He pulled his stuffed stag close to his chest and stuck his thumb into his mouth. He rarely sucked his thumb, but he was terrified. He wanted his daddy. He knew that Mrs. Weasley was nice, but he needed his dad after the dream. He knew he wasn't supposed to use the floo without an adult, but he was desperate.

_I know Daddy says it isn't okay for me to be around Moony when there's a full moon, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind me coming for just this one night,_ Harry thought to himself. He was still trembling and in tears from the aftermath of the dream. He slowly made his way down to the kitchen and pulled a chair up to the fireplace. He grab the floo powder and quickly flooed to the living room of Potter Manor. His daddy and uncles were nowhere to be seen. Harry heard noises coming from the basement. He went to open the door, but it was locked tight. Harry bit his lip. He was desperate for James to hug him. He needed his daddy. All of a sudden the door burst open. Harry had used accidental magic before, but never something so powerful.

Harry started for the stairs when all of a sudden a large brown wolf came charging up. The wolf was not nice like Padfoot. It snarled and raced towards Harry who turned and ran. Harry was terrified that the wolf was going to eat him. He ran, but he could feel the wolf getting closer and closer. All of a sudden there was another animal snarling at Harry's heels. Padfoot jumped on the wolf and grabbed its neck in his teeth. He pulled the wolf back. Then there was a stag between Harry and the wolf. It used its antlers to help the dog push the wolf back into the basement. The dog dragged the wolf down and the stag slammed the door closed before turning back into James. James waved his wand in a series of complicated patterns before turning to Harry.

Harry was frozen. He stood trembling in the kitchen doorway. His small face was streaked with tears and he clung to his stuffed stag. James crossed the room in two strides and crushed Harry to his chest. He was trembling with how close he had come to losing his son. He held tight to the boy as his small frame shook with sobs. James moved towards the stairs and up to Harry's room. He warded the door and sat on the bed with Harry until his sobs subsided.

"Harry James, what were you thinking? Do you have any idea how dangerous it was to come here? You know you're supposed to stay at the Weasleys'! You know you're not to be around a werewolf on a full moon! Do you know how close you came to dying?" James felt his heart constrict at the thought of Remus' jaws ripping his baby apart. Harry looked stricken by the shouting, but James' heart still pounded from coming so close to losing his child.

Harry burst into tears and scrambled to press himself against his headboard. "I'm s-sorry! I just wanted to s-see you because I had the d-dream again. I w-was s-scared and I wanted you to h-hold me! I needed you! I d-d-didn't mean to be b-bad and now you h-hate me!" Harry wailed. James felt his fear-induced anger melt in the face of his baby boy's distress. He moved towards Harry, but the boy simply burrowed further into his pillow.

"I could never hate you little man," James swallowed the lump in his throat that came from his beloved son thinking he could ever hate him. "Please come here," he said opening his arms.

"You d-don't hate me?" Harry asked tearfully.

"Never," James assured him. Harry flung himself at his father. James soothed him with soft whispers and rubbed his back. His own tears ran down his cheeks into his son's hair. "I'm so sorry that you had the dream again. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me. I'm so sorry that I made you feel unloved. I wasn't angry with you, Harry. I was angry that what you did put your life in danger," James said softly.

Harry nodded tearfully, "I'm sorry."

"I know little man. Get some sleep. We'll talk about this in the morning," James said laying Harry on the pillows. He pulled the blankets up around him and pressed a soft kiss to the scarred forehead.

"Don't leave me," Harry pleaded with wide eyes, the terror still evident in his face.

"Never little man. I love you so much baby boy," James said thickly.

"I love you too Daddy," Harry said softly. James lay on the bed next to his son and pulled the boy into his arms. He didn't sleep; his thoughts were haunted by images of Harry's death at the claws of a werewolf. Just after dawn Sirius appeared in the doorway of the room. James gently kissed Harry's forehead and laid him on his pillow before making his way to Sirius and out into the hall.

"How is he?" Sirius asked with concern.

"Terrified. He had the nightmare about Lily and he needed me. I wasn't there and he came to find me. I almost lost him Padfoot," James said. Sirius moved to his best friend and embraced him. James let himself fall apart. Sobs shook his frame as Sirius soothed him the way he had soothed Harry. Sirius' hands trembled as they patted James' back. He couldn't bear the thought of losing Harry either. That precious little boy was the whole world for him and James and Remus.

James pulled himself together and thanked his friend. They moved towards the living room downstairs. Sirius had levitated Remus up to sleep on the couch, and the man was beginning to stir. Remus sat up slowly and grimaced at the pain in his limbs. He hadn't felt this sore in years, not since the nights they used to roam the grounds of Hogwarts. He rubbed his neck where he felt the fading remains of a bite mark that couldn't have come from his teeth. He had woken with the bites before, they always occured when Padfoot was forced to get rough to prevent him from hurting someone or something. He snapped his eyes to his friends.

"What happened?" he asked urgently.

"Harry came home. He had the nightmare and he was upset. Apparently his need to reach me was greater than my protective charms on the door. Padfoot had to get you back downstairs in a hurry," James said calmly.

"Oh God," Remus dropped his head into his hands.

"You didn't hurt him Remus. Harry is fine," Sirius reassured his friend. Remus was beyond hearing him. He lived in constant fear that he would hurt someone because of what he was. He had almost done just that, and not just anyone, Harry.

"I'm so sorry James," Remus whispered brokenly. He looked up at James with pleading eyes. Tears streaked his face. James quickly moved and embraced his friend.

"It wasn't your fault Remus! You have no control over that part of you. Harry shouldn't have been here. It was partially his fault for deliberately disobeying, but mostly my fault. I should have stayed with him last night. He kept telling me he needed me and I wasn't there," James said.

The three friends sat in silent contemplation for a few moments before Molly Weasley's frantic face appeared in the fire.

"James! Harry's gone! I don't know how it happened. I put the boys to bed and then when I went to check on them this morning he was gone! I'm so sorry James," Molly wailed.

"It's okay Molly, he's here. He's safe. He needed me last night and he came home. Everything is fine," James assured the woman. Molly practically sagged with relief.

"Oh thank goodness! We were frantic. I'll go tell Arthur. I'll send his things through the floo in a moment," Molly said.

No sooner had Molly disappeared than there came a shrill cry from upstairs, "Daddy!" James rushed towards the stairs just as Harry flew down them with tears in his eyes. He launched himself into James' arms and James pulled him close.

"I woke up and you weren't there," Harry said tearfully.

"I'm sorry little man," James said rubbing Harry's back. Harry let out a teary sigh and pressed his wet face into James neck. James exchanged concerned glances with his best friends. Harry's face felt warm and James pulled back to press a kiss to his forehead.

"You're burning up kiddo. Are you feeling okay?" James asked. Harry just shook his head. "I'm going to go call Madame Pomfrey and see if she will come see you, okay? You just sit right here while I'm in the kitchen," James continued, placing Harry on the sofa. Remus gazed at the boy with trepidation. He was certain Harry would be terrified of him after last night.

Harry sniffled and crawled across the couch to snuggle into Remus' chest. The man held to boy tight. He felt tears of relief prick his eyes as Harry snuggled into his chest. Harry sighed softly as his face rubbed against the familiar softness of Remus' sweater. Sirius sat beside the two and gently stroked the boy's hair.

"I love you Cub," Remus whispered kissing Harry's hair.

"Love you Moony. I love you Padfoot," Harry said sleepily.

"I love you too Prongslet. Sleep now, you're safe," Sirius said. Before James returned with Madame Pomfrey all three were asleep, with Harry protectively cuddled in his uncle's arms.

* * *

Madame Pomfrey pronounced Harry's cold the result of stress and sleep deprivation wreaking havoc on his immune system. She ordered rest and Harry seemed willing to comply. He slept the day away while James hovered protectively nearby in case he needed anything. On the whole James made a point of not being an overprotective parent. He worried about Harry of course, but he was careful to allow him the freedom he needed to make his own mistakes and learn from them. In light of last night's events however, James was feeling particularly neurotic and was eager to keep Harry in his sight.

By the evening both Harry and Remus were feeling much better. Harry was happy to be home with his dad, and Remus was relieved that Harry and James didn't hold him accountable for his actions.

"Moony, I know you aren't in your mind as a werewolf. I mean I highly doubt you would ever willingly snack on squirrels and bunnies, but the wolf finds them to be delightful snacks," James had teased when Remus had apologized yet again. Remus had shuddered at the thought that his stomach frequently contained the remains of small woodland animals.

James made dinner and afterward the four of them settled down to watch a movie. James had made a point of becoming very familiar with muggle technology so that Harry could have that part of his mother's lifestyle. His favorite movie was "Lion King" and they settled down to watch it yet again. Harry usually preferred to watch from the floor, so James was pleasantly surprised when he climbed into his lap to watch the movie. James pressed a quick kiss to the top of his head and covered them both with a blanket. Before the end of the movie all four were sound asleep.

**A.N. Hey guys! I'm so sorry it has been so long. I've had really bad writer's block. I am trying to work through it, but consequently my writing has not been as good as I would like. I hope you enjoyed it! Please keep reading and let me know what you think! You are all awesome!**


	7. Chapter 7: An Eventful Birthday

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, not to me.**

"Padfoot?"

Sirius turned his head to look at his godson. Harry was playing on the floor of Sirius' office at Hogwarts. James had an important meeting at the Auror office, and Remus was busy, so Harry had come to work with Sirius for the day.

"What is it Prongslet?" Sirius asked fighting to keep the frustration out of his voice. He loved his godson dearly, but Harry was an active boy and he had been less than accommodating to Sirius' job demands.

"Daddy's birthday is tomorrow isn't it?" Harry asked, his head tilted to one side to observe his godfather.

"Yes, the twenty-seventh," Sirius answered wondering where the conversation was possibly going. Harry knew that Remus and Sirius planned to take Harry and James out to celebrate. They had been talking about the plans for weeks.

"I want to get him a present," Harry announced smiling.

"That's nice Prongslet. I'm sure Moony and I can find something great for you to give him," Sirius said turning back to his paperwork.

Harry frowned at his godfather. He hated coming to work with Padfoot. He loved the castle, but Padfoot was very different when he was Professor Black. He didn't understand what Harry meant. He wanted to get his daddy a present that he picked out by himself.

"Padfoot, maybe we could go to Hogsmead and get a present now," Harry said loudly.

Sirius sighed, "I don't have time right now, Harry, please stop pestering me," he answered sharply. He was stressed by the exceedingly poor performance of his students on the essays he was grading. Add that to the pounding headache he had developed during lunch and Sirius was in an extremely bad mood. He didn't notice the way Harry's lip began to quaver, or the way he brushed at his eyes as he made his way towards the door.

* * *

Harry sniffed and tried to hold back his tears as he made his way slowly down the stairs and towards the main doors. Sirius never called him Harry, only Prongslet. Harry loved the nickname. Padfoot was never mean either, he was always nice. Except for today it seemed. Harry felt his eyes sting as he thought about how he wouldn't have anything special to give his daddy for his birthday. _Maybe I can go to Hogsmead myself and get something,_ Harry thought as he snuck unseen out the front doors. Harry knew that he wouldn't be able to get through the big gates without an adult, but he figured that if he walked into the forest a little ways he might find the edge of the fence. He made his way towards the Forbidden Forest in the dying light of the sun, determined to find his daddy a special gift.

* * *

It was nearly two hours later that Sirius finished grading his last essay. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He glanced at the clock and noticed that it was nearly eight at night; James would be looking for Harry soon. Sirius felt a wave of guilt as he remembered his short tempered words to his godson. He turned to apologize, but Harry was not at his spot in front of the fire.

"Prongslet?" Sirius called, he was sure that Harry had made his way somewhere into the living quarters. When the boy didn't respond after a few moments Sirius began to search. After nearly ten minutes and multiple spells Sirius had still found no sign of the boy. He had no luck in the Owlery, the Great Hall, or the Kitchens. He swallowed down the fear that was rising in his throat and made his way quickly towards the headmaster's office.

"Enter," Dumbledore's voice called at Sirius' knock.

"Headmaster I need your help," Sirius said nervously.

"What is the matter my dear boy?" Albus asked. Concerned showed in his blue eyes as he rose and moved towards Sirius.

"It's Harry sir, I can't find him. He was in my office and I was short with him. He must have slipped away without my noticing. I can't find him anywhere," Sirius answered, panic evident in his tone.

"I will help you search. I'll alert the staff and the ghosts, as well as the students. We will find him Sirius. Perhaps you should contact James. If Harry is upset with you he might be unwilling to come to you. He may be more receptive to his father," Dumbledore said. He turned and looked at Fawkes who took flight with a flash. Then inclining his head toward the fireplace Dumbledore left the room.

Sirius swallowed a lump in his throat and took a handful of floo powder. He knelt on the grate and tossed it into the flames. He looked around the kitchen of the Potter home, unsurprised to find James sitting at the table flipping restlessly through the paper and glancing at the door.

"Prongs," Sirius called softly.

James whipped his head around and moved to kneel in front of his friend.

"There you are Padfoot, I was beginning to think you were never going to bring my son home," James said smiling.

"I'm so sorry James," Sirius continued. The smile faded from James' face and his expression turned to one of concern.

"Why? What's happened?" James asked in a frantic tone.

"Harry's wandered off. I can't find him. I was cross with him and he slipped away while I was grading papers. I'm sorry James. The whole castle is looking for him. I'm sure you'll want to be here…" Sirius trailed off.

James felt an overwhelming sense of fury towards his best friend in that moment.

"Well yes I think I would like to be there to find my son. Considering you're his godfather and you couldn't be bothered to keep an eye on him," James spat out. He stepped into the flames, nearly trampling his best friend as he emerged in the office. James swiftly made his way towards the door to start his search for his son.

"I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered to himself as he watched his best friend storm away. Taking another handful of floo powder he threw it into the flames and spoke Remus' address.

"What is it Padfoot?" Remus asked in concern.

"Harry's missing. We're searching the castle and the grounds," Sirius answered, fighting back tears.

"I'll come through right off," Remus said. Moments later he stumbled out of the floo.

The two men set about joining the search. The party combed the castle from top to bottom. They searched every inch of the grounds, but Harry Potter was nowhere to be found. Remus noticed the tension between his two best friends, but he chose to ignore it in favor of finding Harry. After several hours it was Sprout that made the suggestion they had all been dreading.

"Perhaps we should ask the ghosts to check the lake?" she had inquired softly of the headmaster. Sirius and Remus were both standing close enough to overhear. Sirius let out a pained sob and fled to his room adjacent to the Arithmancy classroom. Remus followed and found his friend sobbing on the couch.

"It's my fault, Moony. I was meant to be watching him. I was stressed by work and I lost my temper with him. I never even noticed him slip away. James is furious with me, and I can't blame him, it is entirely my fault," Sirius said miserably.

"James is frightened, Harry means everything to him. He doesn't mean what he says," Remus assured the distraught man. "Let's go find Harry and then we can put this behind us. We'll all be friends again by James' birthday dinner tomorrow."

"James' birthday! Harry wanted to go to Hogsmead and get him a gift, but I told him I didn't have time. Maybe that's where he has gone," Sirius cried leaping to his feet.

The two men raced through the corridors until they reached the Great Hall where Dumbledore was supervising the search efforts from.

"Sir, I think Harry may have gone to Hogsmead. He wanted to go earlier, but I told him I was too busy," Sirius gasped out.

"How could the boy have gotten through the gates?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"He couldn't have," Albus answered simply.

Remus gasped all of a sudden.

"What is it Moony?" James asked frantically.

"When Harry wants to get around the gate in my garden he walks to the edge of the fence and goes around. What if he went to find the edge of the Hogwarts fence?" Remus asked with trepidation.

"The edge of the fence is several miles into the Forbidden Forest," James said realizing why his friend looked so frightened.

"We will find him James. I'll have Hagrid gather those best suited in addition to ourselves," Albus said putting a comforting hand on James' shoulder.

* * *

Harry shivered as he stumbled his way back along the fence. He had walked for what seemed like forever and he still hadn't found the end. It was also really dark and he was scared. He had turned around ages ago, but he still couldn't see the castle lights. His little legs were exhausted, but he trudged on. After a long while he began to see the glittering lights of Hogwarts. If he could just go a bit further he would be with his daddy and Padfoot and Moony. He decided to rest for just a minute against the base of a big tree.

* * *

James trembled as he made his way across the dark ground of Hogwarts. The forest loomed menacingly in the night. One single thought kept rolling through James' head—why is it always my son? He glanced to his right and saw the absolute terror and misery that haunted the features of his best friend. James knew that he was angry at the situation, angry that his baby boy was facing death for the third time in his five years, not with Sirius. He knew he had to reconcile with him before they entered the forest. There was no telling what they might find, and he needed his best friend.

"Padfoot?" he called softly.

"James," Sirius said, his head snapping immediately to his best friend.

"I didn't mean it. This isn't your fault. I know you would never do anything to hurt him, you love him too much. I'm sor—"

"Don't; please don't say you're sorry. It is my fault James. If I had been kinder to him, if I had watched him like I promised I would, then this wouldn't be happening. I'm so sorry James, and I hope to God that you can forgive men," Sirius said, tears burned in his eyes.

James said nothing; he merely stepped forward and embraced his best friend. There was a lot that passed unsaid in that hug. Then again, when two people had been friends as long as James and Sirius sometimes words were not needed to convey their true feelings.

"Let's go find our boy," James said turning towards the forest. While the thought of his young son facing the perils of the forest still turned his blood to ice, the presence of his best friend by his side warmed him just enough to carry on.

They soon reached the edge of the forest and spread out in a long line. James was closest to the fence, and Hagrid was furthest into the forest. They set out to find Harry, calling his name and searching the shadows. James glanced at his watch and saw that it was already three in the morning. Harry had been gone for nearly seven hours in the cold March air. They had gone only five feet into the woods when James spotted a small figure huddled against the base of a large tree. He yelled for the others and threw himself on the ground next to his son.

"Harry! Please wake up, please wake up!" James cried. He pulled his baby boy into his arms. Harry was pale and his face was bright red from the cold despite his warm jacket, boots, hat, and mittens. His lips were blue with the cold. James frantically pressed his fingers to the side of his son's throat and sagged with relief when he found a steady pulse. He nodded to the headmaster and his best friends who sagged with relief. James cast a strong warming charm and pulled Harry against his chest as he stood.

"Here James, it is a Portkey to the Hospital Wing," Albus said handing over an old pillowcase. James wrapped it around his son and took them both to the waiting Madame Pomfrey.

"Lay him here," she instructed, gesturing the bed closest to her office. James lay Harry on the bed, and pulled off the boy's wet and cold outer garments.

"Hold on, hold on for me, Harry," James said kissing Harry's forehead.

"Outside Mr. Potter," Madame Pomfrey said pushing James toward the door. James couldn't make himself leave, he couldn't leave his baby. "Mr. Potter you will only be in my way. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that Harry is just fine. I will call you in when you can see him again."

James reluctantly made his way to the benches outside. He dropped into one and clutched Harry's jacket close to his chest. Moments later Sirius and Remus charged into the corridor and dropped onto the bench next to him.

"Prongs, how is he?" Sirius asked anxiously. He placed a reassuring arm around James' shoulders.

"He was so cold. Madame Pomfrey made me leave," James said. His thoughts were broken. Nothing made sense; nothing would make sense until Madame Pomfrey came through the doors and told him that his baby boy would be okay.

"He's going to be fine James. Harry is tough," Remus assured him.

The three sat in silence for over an hour before the doors finally creaked open. James leapt to his feet, the fear in his eyes heartbreaking.

"He's fine. He was nearly hypothermic when you found him, but that was nothing some warming charms and few potions couldn't heal. He's sleeping now, but I expect he'll be up any moment and looking for his father," Madame Pomfrey said with a smile.

James sagged with relief. His knees shook and he sank back down onto the bench. He ran a shaking hand over his face and through his hair.

"He's okay," James whispered to himself. He suddenly jumped to his feet and hurried into the room. He dropped to his knees beside Harry's bed and grabbed his son's small hand in his own.

Sirius and Remus made their own way into the room. Sirius took the seat next to James, and Remus sat on the other side of the bed. Sirius surveyed his godson's face with a critical eye. His lips were no longer blue, his eyes had dark circles under them, but for the most part he looked like the healthy boy that Sirius loved. Tears of relief stung his eyes as he realized that no lasting harm would come to his precious godson as a result of his actions.

The three men sat in their same position for nearly two hours before Harry showed any signs of waking. Then his nose scrunched up and his hand squeezed James'.

"Harry, are you awake, little man?" James whispered softly.

Slowly Harry opened his bright emerald eyes. They were confused for a moment, but then they focused on James. Harry smiled at the sight of his daddy. He reached out his arms sleepily in a gesture that meant he wanted to be hugged. James let out a sob of relief and in one swift movement he was sitting on the bed with Harry cradled against his chest. His tears dripped into his son's soft hair.

"Are you crying, Daddy?" Harry asked, his small face bunched in concern. "Why are you sad?"

"I'm not sad, little man, I'm just so happy that you're awake," James answered. He forced his tears down and pulled back so that he could smile at his baby boy. Harry grinned back up at him. Suddenly the grin faded from Harry's face and he looked nervous.

"What's wrong?" James asked with concern. Harry shrugged his shoulders and wouldn't meet James' eyes. "Harry James, tell me what you're worried about," James commanded.

"Are you mad at me? I didn't mean to get lost in the woods. I just wanted to get you a birthday present and I couldn't get around the fence," Harry spilled out in a rush, tears shone in his eyes.

"I'm not mad, little man. I'm just really happy that you're okay," James assured his boy, his hand rubbed soothing circles on the small back.

"But now I don't have a special present for your birthday," Harry said miserably. "I wanted to get you something special because you always get me nice presents."

"Having you here and safe is the best birthday present ever," James told his son. Harry snuggled closer to his chest and tucked his head into the hollow of James' shoulder. James meant it too, having the warmth of his son tucked into his arms safe and sound was the best feeling in the world. "I love you Harry James."

"I love you too, Daddy."

"Prongslet?" Sirius said softly. Harry picked his head up and turned to his godfather. He frowned when he saw the tears on Sirius' face.

"Why are you sad, Padfoot?" Harry asked.

"I'm so sorry, Prongslet. I wasn't there for you, I was mean to you, I let you go off by yourself. You could have been seriously hurt because of me. I'm so sorry, Harry," Sirius sobbed out.

"Don't be sad, Padfoot! I forgive you," Harry said reaching out a hand to his godfather. He smiled brightly at the distraught man. Sirius smiled weakly back and moved in to kiss Harry's forehead.

"I love you Prongslet, thank you for forgiving me," Sirius said as he ran his hand through the boy's hair.

"Love you too," Harry said. His head sleepily dropped back onto James' chest.

"Someone looks tired," Remus observed. "Are you ready for another nap, Harry?"

Harry nodded sleepily. "Night Moony, love you," Harry said.

"Good night, cub, I love you too."

"Night Padfoot, night Daddy," Harry continued with a yawn.

"Good night, kiddo," Sirius said running a hand through his hair.

"Good night Harry, I love you," James said tucking the blankets securely around his baby boy.

"Stay, Daddy?" Harry asked in a soft voice, reaching out a hand to his father.

"Always, little man," James answered. He climbed into the bed and lay on his side, his son cuddled close.

"Happy Birthday Daddy," Harry said sleepily.

"Thank you, buddy," James answered. He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Harry's head and hummed a lullaby until they both dropped into a peaceful sleep.

* * *

Several hours later James woke to his son poking him repeatedly in the side.

"What's up, little man?" James asked pulling himself into a sitting position.

"Can we go home, Daddy?" Harry asked bouncing excitedly. Now that he had taken a nice nap he was refreshed and ready to put the whole forest incident behind him.

"Let me ask Madame Pomfrey," James said. He swung himself out of bed and made his way over to the nurse's office.

"Ready to leave then, Mr. Potter?" she said looking up from her paperwork.

"Is it okay for him to leave?" James asked.

Madame Pomfrey smiled warmly at him. "Harry is absolutely fine. Take your son home." James smiled his thanks and turned to leave. "By the way, Happy Birthday, Mr. Potter," the woman added.

"Thank you," James said smiling at her. He made his way back to his son who was swinging his legs impatiently over the edge of the bed.

"Time to go?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Time to go home," James answered. He gathered Harry up in his arms. The boy's shoes were soaked from his trek through the woods. James could have dried them with magic, but he was happy to have an excuse to hold Harry close.

"Daddy, we should go see Padfoot first," Harry said pointing up the staircase toward the tower where Sirius' quarters were.

"Alright, little man, we'll go see Padfoot before we leave," James said kissing Harry's cheek and making him giggle.

The two made their way to Sirius' quarters. James knocked, but received no answer. He opened the door anyway and made his way inside. He set Harry down on the plush carpet of the sitting room. The little boy made his way straight to the bedroom with James close behind. James chuckled at the sight of his two best friends. Sirius laid sprawled facedown over the whole of his large mattress. Remus slept curled in a small ball on the sofa that usually was covered with Sirius' laundry. The dirty robes were now piled on the floor, with the exception of the ones Remus was using as a blanket.

Harry frowned at the sight of his uncles still asleep. Before James could stop him he ran and bounced onto the bed. Sirius sat bolt upright and nearly sent the boy flying to the floor. Thankfully his quick reflexes enabled him to snatch the boy in close before he tumbled off the bed.

"Morning, Padfoot," Harry said happily.

"Good morning, Prongslet," Sirius answered with a wry smile. He pulled the boy in close for a hug before Harry scrambled away to poke Remus awake.

"He doesn't seem any worse for the wear," Sirius said to James as the latter took a seat on the bed.

"It's like Remus said, he's tough," James answered smiling affectionately at the boy in question. Remus was anything but a morning person. Harry was determinedly poking him in the side, and Remus was just as determinedly curling tighter into a ball.

"We were going to take you out for your birthday dinner tonight. Are you still up for that?" Sirius asked James quietly. Not quietly enough however, because Harry was soon charging over.

"We have to go! Daddy, you only get one birthday a year!" Harry cried. It was impossible to resist the puppy dog pout on his small face.

"Harry's right, only one birthday a year. I can't miss out on that," James answered winking at his best friend. Sirius and James both laughed while Harry smiled, quite pleased to have gotten his way.

* * *

That night James tucked Harry into his own bed after a fun filled evening in Diagon Alley. For a long time after the boy fell asleep James sat in the rocking chair in the corner watching his son sleep. He reflected on how lucky he was that Harry bore no lasting effects from his trek through the woods. There was something watching over his little boy, something keeping him safe. Well not really something, James supposed, but rather someone.

"Thank you, Lily; thank you for keeping him safe, for bringing him home to me," James whispered softly, turning his gaze to the starry night sky outside the window. He was filled with a sense of comfort with the knowledge that even when he couldn't be, Lily was always there watching over their baby.

* * *

A.N. Well I was feeling inspired so I went with it. I know it is more drama just like the last chapter, but considering by recent lack of inspiration I took it while I had it. As always let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and reviewing! You guys are the best.


	8. Chapter 8: The Resurfacing of a Rat

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, unfortunately.**

Harry was seven years old when one of the monsters from his nightmares became a reality. James had never been comfortable with hiding things from Harry. As such, from a young age Harry knew all about the man named Peter Pettigrew. Peter had betrayed his parents, sold them out to Voldemort. Then Peter had fled. For six years no one had seen him. James and Sirius had tried numerous times to locate the rat, but all of their searches turned up empty. Peter had vanished. That is, until he reappeared in the fall of the year Harry turned seven.

* * *

Harry walked with Ron through the thick crowds of wizards and witches at the Quidditch game. Now that they were both seven it was deemed acceptable for the two to visit the concession stand by themselves. They were both blissfully unaware of the fact that this newfound freedom came only from the fact that Remus followed them at a distance to keep them safe. The boys chattered happily about the various sweets they would buy. They were so absorbed in their discussion that Harry paid no mind as his scarf fell to the ground. Remus smiled as he watched Harry's animated face; nothing brought the boy out of his shell like a Quidditch game. He picked up the scarf and tucked it into his pocket; he would give it to James and Harry would never remember having put it on.

* * *

Harry smiled and thanked the plump wizard behind the counter as he collected his pumpkin juice from the counter. Ron had already gathered his sweets and was waiting off to the side. As Harry turned towards his friend he felt a jolt of fear run through him. There was a man standing just to the side of Ron. He was mostly hidden in the shadows, but Harry could see his face. He would know that face anywhere, it appeared in so many of the pictures his father had. Peter Pettigrew had made his reappearance.

_He's here to kill me,_ Harry thought in a panic. He was unaware of his juice falling from his hand, or the short gasping breaths he began to draw. Ron frowned and moved forward. Remus hurried out of the crowd and dropped to his knees in front of Harry.

"Harry! Cub, what's wrong?" Remus asked in a concerned tone.

Harry fought to get the words out. His terror seemed to constrict his chest. Peter was a monster; a thing that haunted his nightmares, he wasn't supposed to be real. Harry finally managed to gasp out one word.

"Peter," he said raising his hand and pointing. The man had disappeared, but Harry knew that he had been there. Evidently Remus was willing to take his word on the matter.

"Come on, we need to get back to your father," Remus said in a terse voice. He pulled Harry protectively against his side and kept Ron close as they hurried through the crowd.

James looked up in surprise and concern as his friend hurried the two boys into their box. Ron looked confused. He quietly returned to his seat by Arthur who had stopped his conversation with Sirius. Harry was still shaking in fear, and he plastered himself to James' side. He had tears slipping silently down his cheeks, and he clung to James with a vice-like grip. James looked questioningly at his friend.

"Harry saw Peter by the concession stand," Remus said tersely.

James felt as if ice had entered his veins. His arm pulled Harry closer, the other hand coming up to rest protectively against the back of his head.

"What?" Sirius snarled in a furious tone. He drew his wand from his sleeve and made to leave the box.

"He's gone. He knows Harry saw him. He won't linger, Sirius. He will have transformed by now," Remus said placing a restraining hand on his arm.

"We should send a message to the Auror office," Arthur said quietly, entering the conversation for the first time. There was an angry glint to the normally passive man's eyes. It came from seeing the young boy he cared greatly about shaking in obvious terror. He knew all about Peter Pettigrew. The man was the worst kind of vermin. He had betrayed his friends.

James nodded shakily. He removed one arm from Harry and sent a Patronus to his superior at the Auror office. Within seconds there were dozens of Aurors swarming the stadium. Exits and entrances were locked down, Anti-Apparition wards were in place, and the place was in an uproar. James stood and went to leave the box and help the others.

"Wait!" Harry shouted, running to his father's side. "You can't leave me. If you leave he might get me; he might k-kill me," Harry said in a tearful voice.

James' heart broke at the same time an overwhelming fury overtook him. James squashed down the rage externally as he pulled Harry to his chest. He murmured soothing words as he pressed kisses into the messy hair on his son's head and stroked his back. Internally he raged. How dare Peter do this to them? It wasn't fair that Harry trembled with fear for the man who had once babysat him. It wasn't right that the man who had already taken so much from them still got to have so much control over their lives.

_I wish you had stayed gone Peter_, James thought bitterly.

The search continued for hours, but eventually the Aurors were forced to admit defeat. Peter Pettigrew was nowhere to be found. Ron and Arthur had left hours before. Harry still trembled and refused to leave James' side. It was like a physical pain shot through James' chest every time he felt Harry draw a shaking breath. He looked sadly down at his son.

"Take him home," Sirius said softly to James. James looked up at him. "I will stay until the Aurors leave, but we both know Remus is right. Peter won't be found tonight. Take Harry home and take care of him. They've already lifted the Anti-Apparition wards," Sirius said gently. James nodded his thanks.

"We're going to Apparate home, okay?" James said softly to his son. Harry nodded and locked his arms tighter around James. A few moments later they were comfortably settled on their own couch in their familiar living room. Harry was still snuggled close to James' side and he chewed nervously on his lower lip.

"Harry; Harry, please look at me," James said. Harry slowly turned his face up to his father. "I will not let him touch you. I will keep you safe. I promise you, I will keep you safe," James said adamantly. Harry looked up at him with a mingled expression of hope and terror.

"What if he takes you away like he did Mum?" Harry asked in a tearful whisper.

"I am going to hunt him down and make sure he doesn't take anyone else away," James said, trying to reassure his son.

"No! You can't! You can't go after him! He'll kill you! Please, Daddy!" Harry sobbed. He flung his arms around his father's neck and sobbed into his shoulder. James helplessly rubbed his back and whispered to him. Harry never cried like this anymore. His son was absolutely terrified of losing him, not that James could blame him. James' worst fear in life was losing his baby. He held Harry in his arms and rocked him.

"Okay little man, I won't go after him. I'll leave it to someone else," James said softly. He thought it would be hard, relinquishing his spot in avenging Lily, but it really wasn't, James reflected, as he felt Harry sag with relief in his arms. His whole world was about his son, and James would do whatever he had to in order to protect his boy.

* * *

Eventually Harry drifted off to sleep. James knew he should move the boy to his bed, but he hadn't held a sleeping Harry in his arms for a long time. He softly stroked his hand through his son's silky hair. Harry was still a child, but not for too much longer. In just a few years he would be off to Hogwarts. James didn't know what he would do with himself when Harry was at school. He and Lily had often imagined what it would be like to see Harry off to his first day at Hogwarts during the first year of the baby's life. They had dreamed of taking him to Diagon Alley and buying him his first wand. They had always thought that it would be hard to let their baby go, but hoped that they would have other children at home to keep them busy.

James felt a slight pang in his chest as he thought of the dreams he and Lily had shared. He didn't feel deprived in the child department. He had Harry, which was all he really needed. His son was kind, generous, brave, and stubborn. Still, he reflected, it would have been nice to have a daughter as well, a little girl with her mother's hair and smile. He would never have that. Just like Lily would never get to see Harry's first day at Hogwarts. It all came down to one man, well two, but it all came back to Peter Pettigrew.

"James?" Sirius called softly.

James snapped out of his musings and looked at his friend. He had known they wouldn't find Peter, but it was still hard to know that the traitor was still out there. Sirius moved to sit on the coffee table across from James and Harry.

"How is he?" Sirius asked softly, indicating Harry with a tilt of his head.

"Terrified, Peter is something out of his nightmares. He's the reason he doesn't have a mother. Harry's scared Peter is going to kill him," James said sadly.

"He won't touch him," Sirius vowed, reaching over to stroke his hand through Harry's hair.

"He asked me not to go after Peter, not to hunt him down myself," James added softly.

"He doesn't realize how personal it is for you," Sirius said.

"I told him I wouldn't, that I would stay out of it," James answered.

"Did you mean it?" Sirius asked incredulously. He knew that James was the only person who wanted to be the one to bring Peter in more than Sirius.

"Yes; Harry needs me to do it so that he feels safe. He doesn't want to lose me, and if staying out of it is what he needs from me then I'll do it," James responded. He looked fondly down at his sleeping son's face.

"I'll get him, James," Sirius said firmly.

"No, let the Aurors get him. I still remember what I said to you that night, Padfoot. I don't want Harry growing up without any of us that he loves. You and I have got to let it go. We can focus on keeping Harry safe. That is the only thing that matters," James said quietly.

Sirius felt as if a storm was swirling in his chest. He knew that James was right, but how could he just give up his part in looking for Peter?

"I have to make it right" Sirius said quietly.

"What do you mean?" James asked puzzled.

"I made you switch. I am the reason that Peter was able to betray you. I have to catch him, I have to make it right," Sirius whispered brokenly.

"It was not your fault. I thought we were past this, Sirius. You did nothing but try your damn hardest to make sure that we were safe. You have nothing to make up for," James said passionately.

For the first time, Sirius believed him. He genuinely believed that his friend did not hold him accountable in any way. He knew that James didn't resent him in any capacity, but some small part of his brain and his heart had never truly allowed him to believe that James held him completely without blame.

"I'll let it go," Sirius said softly. He smiled at his best friend and his godson.

"Finally," James said with a chuckle. The two sat in silence for a moment and then the quiet was pierced by a shrill cry from the boy on James' lap.

"Daddy! Daddy, come back!" Harry yelled in his sleep.

James hugged his son tightly and called his name. He shook the boy gently until he opened his eyes. Harry burst into tears and buried his face in his father's shirt. James hugged him tightly and Sirius rubbed his back reassuringly.

"What happened, little man?" James asked gently.

"It was P-peter, he t-took you away, like Mummy," Harry sobbed.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm right here, Daddy's here," James said. He rocked his son gently in his arms.

"It's okay, Prongslet, I won't let anything happen to you or your dad," Sirius said reassuringly.

Before long Harry had cried himself back to sleep. James sadly wiped the tears from his son's face.

"You should get him to bed," Sirius said softly.

"I think I will keep him with me tonight. He isn't the only one that has nightmares about what Peter could take from us," James answered. "Are you staying?"

"I think I will. I know your wards are strong, but I will sleep better if I'm here," Sirius answered.

"Me too," added a voice from the doorway.

Both men turned to see Remus leaning against the frame.

"Thank you," James said earnestly.

"No need to thank us. This is what you do for your family," Remus said softly.

The three men made their way up the stairs. Remus and Sirius turned into their respective guest rooms, and James made his way to the master suite. He gently laid his son on one side of the large bed before climbing into the other side. He placed an arm around Harry's shoulders and drew the boy close to his side. He trembled a bit when he remembered how close Peter had come to Harry. He softly pressed his lips against his son's forehead, and drifted off to sleep with Harry cradled safe in his arms.

* * *

Harry was the first one awake the next morning. He frowned when he first woke up and realized that he was in his father's room. Then the memories of the previous day flooded back to him. He still shuddered a bit when he remembered how scared he had been by seeing Peter. He unconsciously snuggled closer to James' chest. James was exhausted. Harry bounced a bit on the bed, hoping to wake his father up so that he could give him the reassurance he so desperately desired. James, however, was dead to the world. Eventually Harry gave up and made his way out of the room and down the hall a little way.

Harry vaguely recalled waking from a nightmare and Sirius helping his father to comfort him. He thought that Sirius might be in the room he usually used down the hall. Poking his head in, Harry saw that he was correct. He slowly made his way over to the bed and climbed in with his godfather. Sirius awoke with the shifting motion of the bed.

"Are you okay, Prongslet?" Sirius asked.

"Daddy didn't wake up when I moved around and I didn't want to wake him up, but I'm scared," Harry said softly.

"Come here," Sirius invited, opening his arms and settling the boy close to his chest.

Harry happily snuggled into his godfather, who rubbed soothing circles over his back.

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Is Peter going to try and kill me?" Harry asked in a shaking voice. Sirius felt his heart twist.

"I don't know, Prongslet, but I promise you that whatever he might try, he won't lay a hand on you," Sirius said fiercely.

"Because you and Daddy and Moony will keep me safe?" Harry asked. There was absolute trust in his bright eyes.

"Exactly, we will keep you safe," Sirius said giving the boy a quick squeeze.

"Daddy says that Mummy keeps me safe too, from heaven," Harry added.

"He's right; your mum does keep you safe. Believe me, Prongslet, your mum is always watching over you. She loved you more than anything," Sirius said, swallowing thickly.

"I'm tired," Harry declared snuggling deeper into the pillow.

"Sweet dreams," Sirius said. He kissed the top of his godson's head, and pulled the boy close.

_I will keep you safe, Harry,_ he thought to himself before sleep reclaimed him.

* * *

A.N. I am so sorry! I thought I posted this last week when I finished writing it! I'm not entirely happy with it, but I wanted to bring Peter into things. That said Peter will probably not be in it very much for a long time yet. I realize that there is a lot of action/drama, but that is mostly because right now I am doing it as brief/important moments in Harry's life leading up to Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy it! Thank you, as always, for sticking with me! You guys are the best.


	9. Chapter 9: Remembering

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

The bitter chill of the winter air bit into Harry's flesh as he walked slowly through the small village at his father's side. The nine year-old pulled his winter coat tighter around him and rubbed his mitten covered hands together.

"Cold?" James asked smiling at his son. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but then it never seemed to on this particular day.

"A bit," Harry answered.

The two lapsed back into silence as they continued on their way to the graveyard in Godric's Hollow. It was the thirtieth of January, and had Lily Potter lived today would have been her thirtieth birthday. James and Harry came to visit her every year on her birthday. Harry knew this one would be particularly hard for his father. Sirius had turned thirty already, but that did not stop him from teasing James about how old he was going to be in a just a few months. Harry knew that it wasn't the reminder of him aging that hurt his father, it was the reminder that he was aging, but Lily never got the chance. James had finally lost it the previous week and snapped at his friend. He had thrown him out of the house and the two had not spoken.

"Are we still going to have the dinner this year?" Harry asked softly.

"Of course, it just might be smaller than usual," James answered. He tried and failed to plaster a smile on his face.

Another part of their birthday tradition involved a dinner with Remus and Sirius. James, Sirius, and Remus would all take turns telling Harry about their favorite stories of his mother. After dinner they would all use the Pensieve that Harry had been given as a baby by Remus and Sirius to view the memories of their good times with Lily. It would be very different without Sirius. Harry knew that his godfather felt terrible about what had happened. He was disgusted with himself for not realizing that he was genuinely upsetting James. Sirius was afraid to come around, according to Remus, because he didn't want to make things harder on James than they already were.

Harry was startled out of his thoughts by the loud squeal of the gate's hinges as James pulled it open. The two made their way over the snow covered ground and came to halt in front of a beautiful marble headstone. There was a Lily etched into the stone above Lily Potter's name. James laid the large bunch of lilies he had in his hand on one side of the grave. Harry placed a bunch of sunflowers on the other side.

James smiled sadly at the sight of the sunflowers. When Harry was younger he had brought a different type of flower whenever they came. When the boy had turned six James had shared with him a story about how Lily used to call him her little sunflower because he brought so much light into her life. From that day onward Harry only brought sunflowers to his mother's grave.

"Do you want to go first?" Harry asked.

James nodded and ruffled his son's hair as the boy wandered off a little ways to give him some privacy. They both inevitably broke down, but it was easier for James to go first so he could comfort Harry after his turn.

"Hey Lils, I miss you. I know I say that every time I come, but I always mean it. Especially on days like today. We should all be having dinner and cake. Harry should be bringing you flowers at the breakfast table, not at your grave. It isn't fair," James said. He felt tears burn in his throat, but he forced them back.

"You would be so proud of our son. He's amazing, Lil. I know that you know that because you are always with him, but I want to tell you anyway. He misses you. I've done my best, but I can't deny there have been times he's been hurt by only having a father. He doesn't hold it against me though," James continued. His conversations with Lily always went like this. A lot of rambling about nothing in particular, yet somehow he always felt comforted afterward.

"He's going to be ten. I can't believe that this is the last year he will spend with me. I don't know how I'm going to let him go. Then again I could never even think of keeping him home. He deserves to have just as much fun as I had at Hogwarts. Well, maybe not quite as much, I would rather he not spend quite as much time in the Headmaster's office as Padfoot, Moony, and I did. The odds aren't in his favor I suppose. He's been raised by me with more help from those two than I ever could have imagined. In spite of all that he is still more like you than me, Lils. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love our baby boy. I love you too, Lily. I am so sorry that I wasn't there to save you that night. Good bye, Lils, happy birthday" James finished. The tears slowly started streaming down his cheeks. He turned and walked a little ways in the other direction before turning back to observe his son at his mother's grave.

* * *

"Hi Mum, it's me, Harry. Happy birthday, I miss you. Dad misses you too. He tries not to let me see how much he hurts sometimes, but I can still tell. I'm worried about going to Hogwarts next year. What is he going to do without me? At least I'll have Sirius at Hogwarts if I really need him. Dad put everything he has into raising me, and I appreciate that, but once I'm at Hogwarts he could have a real life without me around to hold him back," Harry said. By the end of his sentence he was sobbing. All it took was the presence of his mother, dead or alive, for him to break down his wall and let his insecurities spill over.

The thought of exactly how much his father had actually given up for him had been tugging at his thoughts ever since he had overheard a conversation between his father's boss, Mad-Eye Moody, and Mrs. Weasley during their New Year's Eve party. Moody had commented on how James never went out with any of the other Aurors, he was always eager to get home to Harry. He had talked about how he had never looked twice at any of the recruits that were always throwing themselves at him. Mrs. Weasley had clucked her tongue and talked about how it was a shame that such a nice young man didn't have a woman in his life. Of course the conversation had quickly come around to how everything in James life resolved solely around Harry. While Mrs. Weasley had defended James commitment to his son, Mad-Eye certainly felt that James was too focused on his child.

* * *

James looked at his son and frowned. Harry was always upset when they talked to Lily, but he had never cried like this in front of her grave. He always saved the worst of his tears for when they were at home, and it was just the two of them. He was hesitant to approach his son, however. They had an agreement about giving each other their privacy when they were at the graveyard. Before James had become too conflicted his decision was made for him. Sirius was there all of a sudden. He pulled Harry into his arms and rocked the boy as he sobbed. Remus made his way over to James and put an arm around his shoulders.

"What are you doing here?" James asked. His tone was not unkind, merely curious.

"We come every year. Just in case you ever needed us. If you don't we wait until you leave then we pay our respects. You've never needed us before, but there was always a chance, like today," Remus said shrugging.

James swallowed his tears and threw his arms around his friend.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're family, James, we're a family. We may not be like you and Lily and Harry were, but we are still a family," Remus reminded him.

* * *

"What's wrong, Prongslet?" Sirius asked as he held Harry close. He led the boy to a nearby bench.

"I just miss her," Harry answered.

"I know you miss her, Harry, it isn't fair that you got so little time with her. These tears are about more than that though," Sirius answered shrewdly.

"On New Year's Eve I overheard someone talking about Dad, about how he basically gave up everything for me. He could have a normal life if I wasn't such a freak. He always has to be worried about someone trying to kill me. He never goes out and just has fun because he is always with me. Maybe his life would have turned out easier if Voldemort had succeeded that night, or if he had just killed me instead of Mum. I'm the reason she's dead," Harry sobbed.

There was a sharp gasp from behind them. Turning they saw that James and Remus had come up behind them. James had a pained look on his pale face and he was shaking his head back and forth.

"No, no, please don't ever think that! You can't think that!" James cried moving to kneel in front of Harry. He tilted the boy's face up until they were eye-to-eye.

"Harry if you had died," his voice cracked on the word, "I wouldn't have been able to go on. For one part of that terrible night I was sure you were dead. I have never felt so much pain in my life. Losing Lily was the hardest thing I've ever experienced, but it can't compare to how it would feel for me to lose you! I am not missing out on anything in life. I have everything I need right here, you are the only thing I need. Please don't ever let me hear you call yourself a freak again, it is the farthest thing from the truth. Bad things keep happening to you, but they are not your fault. Never think that you take anything away from me by being in my life. You are my life. Do you understand me, Harry James?" James asked in a shaky voice. The tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at his son.

Harry regarded his father with shock. He knew that James loved him, but to see him break down like this because of what Harry had said was shocking to him. Dimly he realized that his father was waiting for an answer. He nodded his head slowly. He did understand, however anyone else might see it, his father did not consider him a burden. James crushed Harry to his chest. His shoulders still shook with tears and Harry felt his own begin to fall thick and fast onto his father's coat.

* * *

James was so relieved to see the small nod of his son's head. He pulled his baby into his arms and held him close. To hear Harry talk about dying, how James would have been better off if he had was unbearable. How could he think for even one second that James' life would be anything but empty, dark, and cold without him in it? James just held him and let their tears fall. The day, the place, and the conversations made controlling emotions impossible, and James didn't even try. They were a family and they were together, that was all that mattered.

"It's still my fault Mum died," Harry whispered.

"Harry James, I forbid you to blame yourself. Voldemort killed her. Peter told him where to find her. It is their fault. She did the only thing she could; she stood between you and death. Believe me when I say that if she had to do it again she wouldn't change anything. She loved you more than anything. You are not the reason she is gone, you're the reason her life had as much meaning as it did," James said firmly.

Harry's tears simply flowed faster. James could see the hesitancy in his son's eyes. He pulled Harry close and willed him to believe that he wasn't guilty. It wouldn't work of course, just like James would always feel guilty for surviving. They would get through it the same way they got through everything else—together.

* * *

Sirius felt tears sting his own eyes as he watched the scene between his best friend and godson. To hear the pain in Harry's voice had been heartbreaking, and Sirius had wanted nothing more than to hold him and just squeeze until he realized how important he was. James had beat Sirius to it and Sirius certainly didn't mind. The depth of the relationship between James and Harry always astounded him. Sirius' own father had possessed none of the warmth and love that Sirius supposed parents were meant to feel for their children. Sirius had seen the true representation of a wonderful father in Mr. Potter, James' father. Even then however, there was not the same undeniable closeness that existed between James and Harry. They were a team; anything that happened to one of them affected the other. They were the most important things in each other's lives.

It always amused Sirius to watch people's reactions to seeing James interact with Harry. Many people remembered James Potter as the goofball and arrogant mischief maker from Hogwarts. They had a hard time reconciling the totally devoted and loving father with that man. Then again, he supposed it was amusing to see him, Sirius Black, resident playboy and troublemaker of Hogwarts as a professor and loving godfather. Sirius turned and looked at Remus who was also observing James and Harry. He managed to indicate to his friend that they should get them home.

"I hate to interrupt you two, but it's freezing out here and you're both wet from the snow. If we don't get you two home and dry you're going to get sick," Remus said moving forward.

The Potters broke apart and pulled themselves to their feet. With a whispered goodbye to Lily they made their way back to the Potter home. Once there Harry headed to his room and James moved towards the stairs to change. Remus had already dried his clothes with a spell and he dropped onto the sofa. Sirius moved towards the door. He felt guilty for the pain he had caused James and he wasn't about to force his best friend to deal with him on this day.

"Stay."

Sirius froze with his hand on the doorknob and turned to look at his friend, his brother.

"Padfoot, you're family. Regardless of whatever disagreements we have, you'll always be family. Family sticks together during the rough times," James said.

Sirius nodded. He didn't know how to express his feelings, but he didn't need to. James understood and nodded back before he headed upstairs.

"Told you he would get over it," Harry said, wandering in from his room. He dropped onto the sofa next to Remus.

"Smart mouth," Sirius retorted with a mock glare at his godson.

Harry laughed and yawned. The child was clearly exhausted. His head dropped onto Remus' shoulder. The man smiled down at his cub and put an arm around his shoulders.

"He's exhausted," Sirius remarked when Harry's breathing had leveled out.

"He takes things to heart when he hears them. He's spent every day since that party agonizing over what he heard. I'd hate to be the person that said it when James finds them," Remus answered. He ran his hand over the boy's messy hair.

"If Harry tells him who it was," Sirius said with a frown, "now that James has set him straight he isn't going to want to get anyone in trouble."

"He's going to tell me," James said adamantly as he entered the room.

James flopped on the sofa next to Sirius and smiled fondly at his son. He yawned widely and rubbed a hand through his messy hair.

"James, I'm sorry. I never would have teased you if I had realized why it was upsetting you," Sirius said contritely.

"It's alright, Padfoot, I never told you why it bothered me so I can't hold it against you. Besides, you were there for me and Harry today," James answered waving aside the apology. They rarely fought and when they did it didn't last.

"Who could possibly have been foolish enough to talk about Harry holding me back from living my life when he could have overheard?" James questioned angrily.

"When we find out Moony and I will hold him while you punch," Sirius answered attempting to diffuse the tension.

"He said I would be better off if he _died_! If he died, Sirius! I am going to do a damned sight more than punch whatever idiot made him feel that way!" James roared.

"You can't," Harry said softly. The shouting had roused him from his nap.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"If you want to keep your job you can't go around murdering your boss, it wouldn't go over well. Not to mention the fact that Mad-Eye is a pretty good fighter, you might get hurt," Harry answered shrugging.

"Moody said those things?" James roared.

"He was just commenting to Mrs. Weasley. I'm sure he didn't realize I was close enough to hear," Harry said quietly.

"I don't care; he had no right to say that!"

"Please don't do anything that would get you fired," Harry pleaded with his father.

"Fine, but I am going to say something. If nothing else I am going to set him straight about exactly where my priorities lie. I would rather be home with you than hanging around with any of the idiots I work with. Half of them wouldn't pass their entrance exams anymore, they've gotten lazy with the end of the war," James bit out.

"I wouldn't mind you hanging out with them once in a while. I can stay by myself, or with Remus or Sirius. You could even try dating if you'd like," Harry said softly.

"You really think you're ready for me to date someone?" James asked suspiciously.

He had no doubt that his son would be absolutely fine with him going out with friends. He hadn't done it in the past for his own reasons, not because he worried about Harry. That said, James was extremely skeptical about Harry's declaration he could handle James dating.

"I could try to be," Harry said honestly.

James laughed and moved to sit next to his son.

"No need for that. I'm not ready; I don't think I will ever be ready to date. I know your mum wouldn't hold it against me, but no one will ever be able to measure up," James said squeezing Harry's shoulder.

"Good," Harry answered with a grin. He dropped his head to James' shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too, little man," James answered.

The four set about preparing a dinner composed entirely of comfort foods, warm, rich stew and thick bread. They talked for hours about their memories of Lily and their memories in general. They laughed and cried together before finally calling it a night and falling into bed.

* * *

A.N. This was a tough chapter to write. I knew what I wanted to happen, but it was hard to do it without making it super cheesy and I'm afraid I may have failed. Well, that's life I suppose. I've had this chapter done for a bit, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it. A lot of people seemed to want me to continue on with the Peter storyline. I toyed with the idea of adding another Peter centric chapter, but I just couldn't come up with a good one. I need some drama for Harry's third year! That said, this will likely be the last pre-Hogwarts chapter. In the next I fully intend to send Harry off to school (and show him getting his letter and supplies and all that)! Thank you, as always, for being awesome! Hope you enjoy it!


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